Tuesday, 28 March 2017

F.C.L (Fat Club Lie)

I read a Facebook post today which really made me laugh about the rules of “Fat Club”, I’ve shared it on my Facebook page if you want to check it out. The reason it made me laugh so much is because it’s all TRUE!

  Fat Club is unlike any other club you’ll ever join, because it’s a place where you can do the following;

I think I admire my Weight Watchers more than anyone else in the world, because every week she smiles and nods and manages to avoid shouting “what a crock of s**t” at the top of her voice.
Week after week (and I include myself in this) people who are good, honest and decent people, the type of people who would help an old lady across the road, who bought a red nose for Comic Relief and instill the virtues of telling the truth to their children, stand before another human being and lie.
Picture the scene, it's a draughty church hall, there's a line of people wearing their lightest close and flip flops despite the weather and they have a look of slight fear and dread on their faces. The conversations in the room  go something like this;

Fat Club Guru; “have you had a good week?”
You; “yes, I’ve stuck to the plan all week”
Fat Club Guru: “you’ve put 3 pounds on”
You: (*looking sad and shocked and gutted*) “WHAATTTTTT???? I don’t know how that happened, I genuinely don’t know how I’ve managed to put 3 pounds on. I’m gutted”

If you’re a real pro at the “FCL” (Fat Club Lie) you manage to shake your head as you put your shoes, jumper, belt, earrings, bracelet back on… all the things you took off in the vague hope that when you got on the scales your week of lies wouldn’t show up! You then walk off looking sad, disappointed and a little dejected.
  The first time you do it, it feels strange, slightly odd, there’s adrenaline coursing through your veins! Like the first time you drink alcohol or smoke a cigarette when you’re a teenager! There’s a sense of danger, the thrill you are obviously flouting the rules.

  The lie ..... it’s only a little one, like the one you tell your mum,

Mum; “Have you been smoking?”
You: “No, there were some older kids at the party they were smoking”

You know, she knows your lying, you know you’re lying, but will she say? Will you crumble and tell the truth? Will she challenge you? Will some kind of thunderbolt actually strike you down?

Not actual scene from my teenage years, I was never hit by a thunderbolt.

  It doesn’t….no one says a thing…. You’re home dry and then (SPOILER ALERT) just like Kevin Spacey at the end of “The Usual Suspects”, the moment you leave Fat Club and your out of view of the Leader, your swagger returns, your hunched sad shoulders straighten, the smile dances around your lips and you get in the car and turn Bruno mars up full blast (*Bruno Mars is optional in this scenario)

You’ve done it!

Now all you have to do is drive to a chip shop just far enough from class that none of your fellow conspirators might see you, but close enough to home that your chips don't end up cold!

NOTE FROM KATIE– I’m writing this for a friend, I’ve never resorted to such treachery!

Monday, 20 March 2017

Spring Resolutions - Looking for the Happy

I’m a little bit behind with my New Year’s Resolution, so as today is the start of spring and the clocks go forward at the weekend, I decided I’d introduce a “Spring Resolution” – better late than, never right? Plus, spring always feels like a chance for a new start anyway.

  At the beginning of the year, I decided that one of the things I would do for myself this year was to allow myself some time to be creative. I’d spend some time on my blog and as last year I started writing a book,  I decided to dedicate a bit of time to that every week too.

  That basically panned out like this...... I wrote a blog on New Year’s Day and about 6 weeks ago, I wrote a chapter of my book. 

 Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have publishers banging my door down for my book and my inbox hasn’t been full of e-mails demanding when it’s making a return, but for me, I knew wasn’t doing something I wanted.

  2017 has so far been a bit peculiar, a whole combination of things has meant that my ass has been well and truly kicked! Rather than letting this year be about creativity and fun, somewhere along the way it became about decorating and furniture building and trying to squeeze 26 hours’ worth of stuff into 24. Then there’s been the thing that I could never have predicted, the thing that came along punched me in the stomach, pulled my hair and placed Lego everywhere I walked.

  Last week, everything really got on top of me and I realized that I’d got to do something…. Anything! So, I decided to “look for the happy”, for the last 5 days, I have tried to focus on just one thing every day that’s made me happy and take its photo.

By doing this, I realized that there was actually way more than one thing every day that put a smile on my face and I could probably have taken hundreds of photos!

These are my 5….

  The first photo is of my dog Mabel, I’ve written about her before, because she is the definition of happy, however rubbish her life might have been in the past, she’s put all that behind her and now she lives for playing fetch, her walks and her cuddles.

  The second photo is of daffodils; these beautiful yellow flowers always make me smile. Firstly, they remind me of my Mum, who ALWAYS bought me and my sister a bunch of the first daffodils she saw in the shops every year. She loved them because they symbolized spring and things coming to life. Secondly yellow is my favourite colour, it’s the colour of sunshine and if happy was a colour it would be yellow!

The third is a caricature that someone drew of me at an event. Me and some colleagues attended a show for work and ended up chatting to an artist at one of the stands, he drew pretty unflattering pictures of us all, but we belly laughed about them  and they are now are proudly on display in the office.

Whilst the box of Capri Sun and 3D glasses might seem random, they signify a really great night out last night. Now I know, not many stories start with “I was drinking Capri Sun, when this fun thing happened” But last night me and some of my favourite people went out for dinner and to see “Beauty and the Beast” and it was just the best night, it was so much fun, we laughed at each other’s stories and the film exceeded every expectation! If you haven’t seen it, go immediately!  My friend Gav rocked up with a carrier bag full of goodies, including a Capri Sun each!

  The final photo is my CD of choice in the car today, on the way to work belted out such classics as “Don’t Stop Believing”, “Making your Mind Up” and was over joyed when my beloved Bros came on.

Although I started off looking for the happy, I think that the happy has started to find me. So why not try it? For the next 5 days, look for one thing that makes you happy!