F.C.L (Fat Club Lie)

I read a Facebook post today which really made me laugh about the rules of “Fat Club”, I’ve shared it on my Facebook page if you want to check it out. The reason it made me laugh so much is because it’s all TRUE!

  Fat Club is unlike any other club you’ll ever join, because it’s a place where you can do the following;

I think I admire my Weight Watchers more than anyone else in the world, because every week she smiles and nods and manages to avoid shouting “what a crock of s**t” at the top of her voice.

   

Week after week (and I include myself in this) people who are good, honest and decent people, the type of people who would help an old lady across the road, who bought a red nose for Comic Relief and instill the virtues of telling the truth to their children, stand before another human being and lie.

 

Picture the scene, it's a draughty church hall, there's a line of people wearing their lightest close and flip flops despite the weather and they have a look of slight fear and dread on their faces. The conversations in the room  go something like this;

Fat Club Guru; “have you had a good week?”

You; “yes, I’ve stuck to the plan all week”

Fat Club Guru: “you’ve put 3 pounds on”

You: (*looking sad and shocked and gutted*) “WHAATTTTTT???? I don’t know how that happened, I genuinely don’t know how I’ve managed to put 3 pounds on. I’m gutted”

If you’re a real pro at the “FCL” (Fat Club Lie) you manage to shake your head as you put your shoes, jumper, belt, earrings, bracelet back on… all the things you took off in the vague hope that when you got on the scales your week of lies wouldn’t show up! You then walk off looking sad, disappointed and a little dejected.

 

  The first time you do it, it feels strange, slightly odd, there’s adrenaline coursing through your veins! Like the first time you drink alcohol or smoke a cigarette when you’re a teenager! There’s a sense of danger, the thrill you are obviously flouting the rules.

  The lie ..... it’s only a little one, like the one you tell your mum,

Mum; “Have you been smoking?”

You: “No, there were some older kids at the party they were smoking”

You know, she knows your lying, you know you’re lying, but will she say? Will you crumble and tell the truth? Will she challenge you? Will some kind of thunderbolt actually strike you down?

Not actual scene from my teenage years, I was never hit by a thunderbolt.

  It doesn’t….no one says a thing…. You’re home dry and then (SPOILER ALERT) just like Kevin Spacey at the end of “The Usual Suspects”, the moment you leave Fat Club and your out of view of the Leader, your swagger returns, your hunched sad shoulders straighten, the smile dances around your lips and you get in the car and turn Bruno mars up full blast (*Bruno Mars is optional in this scenario)

You’ve done it!

Now all you have to do is drive to a chip shop just far enough from class that none of your fellow conspirators might see you, but close enough to home that your chips don't end up cold!

NOTE FROM KATIE– I’m writing this for a friend, I’ve never resorted to such treachery!

Be More Mabel

It’s always weird, when you realise that one of your heroes has 4 legs and her most favourite thing in the world to do is play fetch! I have two dogs Cyril and Mabel, both named after my Grandparents. If Cyril were a human, he’d be a cross between Stifler from “American Pie” and Sherlock Holmes (The Benedict Cumberbatch one) He’s incredibly intelligent, but also a bit of a k**b, but you can’t help loving him!

  Mabel is a rescue dog and when she first came to live with us, she had a really bad eye infection. She had a patch round her eye and looked like a pirate and her back was bald from a skin infection. The vet wasn’t sure it would ever heal. We had no idea, where she’d come from or what she’d been through. There’s bits we can guess at.

   At the start she was petrified at going outside for a wee at night, unless you came with her (we think she was scared of being locked outside) She hates men with beards (Zac Dingle from “Emmerdale” makes her bark at the tele) and she didn’t like to be cuddled! Fast-forward a year and she’s gone from Shabby Babby to Fabby Babby! Her fur is glossy, she trusts that you won’t lock her outside and she loves a cuddle, she’s developed the Mabel loll….. she just sort of collapses at the side of you like a rag doll. When it comes to Zac, it’s now more of a grumble than a full on bark.

  She is someone so full of love, happiness and joy that she inspires me. The reality is, I’ll never know what Mabel went through before she came into our lives, I can only guess, but whatever it was or however bad her life was she’s moved on! She now knows what makes her happy and she indulges in all of them every day! She doesn't waste time moaning about what went before, it's like she's happily left that in the past and I swear if you were to look up the definition of "Joie de vivre", there'd be a picture of Mabel playing with a ball on the beach!

  In fact, my Mabel, isn’t completely unlike the lady she’s named after, my Gran. I’ve been very lucky, in that I’ve always been surrounded by some incredibly strong and formidable ladies, my Grandmas, my Mum, my Aunties, my cousins, both sides of my family, I’m related to some really amazing women!

   My Gran Mabel, was a lady who never did anything by halves. She never went abroad, until she was 57 and then, she didn’t head off for a few days on the Costa Bravo, on no not my Gran. The first time she stepped on a plane she flew half way round the world to visit family in Australia.

  My Gran was lucky enough to have never needed an operation until she was 78 and then it wasn’t something simple like having her appendix out, nope that was way too easy! She went in with a broken hip and whilst she was there, they realized there were other issues and she ended up staying there for 3 months and coming home with two colostomy bags. The 8-hour operation took place on Christmas Eve and we were told to expect her not to last the night! Not on Grandma Mabel’s watch….. she not only lasted the night, but lived another 10 years! Complete with dodgy hip, colostomy bags and a dicky heart and she would tell you she was as happy as Larry and she genuinely was!

2016 has been an incredibly busy year, getting up at 4.15am, working 12 hour days and things have gone by the wayside. Not just this blog!  I’ve not seen a huge amount of some of my friends, I very rarely go out during the week, gym classes are weekends only and I find myself frantically working out in my head every day how I can possibly get as much sleep as I can. What’s the latest I can be in bed for me to still function like a normal human? The last few weeks, I’ve gone all Len Goodman and pretty much gone to bed at “7”, which makes for a very dull life!

  I realized I needed to start to be a bit more Mabel, it’s time to put behind me some of the stuff that’s made me unhappy this year and focus on doing the things I enjoy, just like the 4-legged one and it’s time to not do things by halves just like the Grandma version.

  I think everyone could be a bit more Mabel at times!

The Results Are In.....

“The results are in, they’ve been counted and verified, please do not swear” Ok so maybe my DNA Fit results didn’t arrive in quite that way, but I do now know what’s in my genetic make up and it didn't make me swear!

  When my results did arrive, there was no Dermot O’Leary making a grand announcement (other TV presenters are available), but this arrived via e-mail.

My personalised DNA Fit results

  I was pretty sure that it would only be a couple of pages long and just say eat this, don’t eat that, now off you go.

  As I began to read it, I felt like I’d somehow wandered into a biology lesson and the analysis was far more detailed than I ever anticipated, actually showing which genes I had and also an explanation as to what things meant and suggestions for food.

  It wasn’t until I had my consultation with Andrew Steele (Olympic athlete!) That it actually made proper sense. Andrew and I spent a long time chatting about what things meant and what foods genetically I dealt with well and which ones I needed more of or less of! It’s kind of weird to think that whatever weight I am, however old I am my genes will always stay the same and even though me and Lucy are sisters and should I ever need a kidney, she’s first on my “go to for a kidney list” (It pays to be prepared) food wise her DNA is completely different to mine, because she will have picked up a different combination of genes from our parents.

  So and here’s the science, because I’m worth it (tosses hair, smiles at camera and floats off in a floaty dress Cheryl style)

  I have a medium to high sensitivity to carbs, so although I can still eat them, I should really eat far less of them. I am prone to gain more weight when I eat carbs than when I don’t, which makes sense why the “Filling and Healthy” version of Weight Watchers never worked for me, but others  were losing 4  or 5 pounds a week.

  Andrew slightly scared me when I said I shouldn’t be scared of fat – cue inappropriate joke from me about having seen myself naked so I’m not scared of fat. Apparently saturated fats can be good for me and I would do better ditching low fat options and having proper butter and cheese, as long as I don’t combine them with starchy carbs. I'm also pretty sure he meant eating a lump of brie in one go is also a no go.

  Thankfully I’m not lactose intolerant or celiac. I do however need more Omega 3 in my diet and less salt.

  The really good news is my genes (thank you Mummy and Daddy) mean that a glass of red wine a day has a positive effect on me and I’m a fast metaboliser of caffeine!

 What’s also weird is that they can tell from your genes what sort of exercise suits you best. My genes dictate I’m not into instant gratification (and not just exercise wise I can tell you) I’m more into endurance activities, so dance based / aerobic stuff is better for me, which to be honest is right up my street!

  So now I have now results, it’s time to get cracking! Lets see if the proof is in the pudding or in my case  Greek yogurt with berries and flax seeds!