Wednesday, 3 July 2013

She Wore an Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini


Looks like my efforts at Wimbledon were worth it, another half pound gone. This week I’m moving house, the removal men are booked for Sunday, most things are packed in boxes and I’m in the process of emptying my freezer so my menu choices this week will be slightly random and involve lots of frozen veg. I’m hoping this means I'll have a fairly decent weight loss next week!


  Once I’ve moved then a holiday is definitely on the cards, a week in the sunshine to help me recover from box packing hell!

  As much as I love lazing on a sunbed I hate putting my swimsuit on because I’m always conscious of the fact there’s a million people around me who look better. I haven’t worn a bikini in years, mainly because the idea of being heckled by the locals scares me or even worse being asked, “when it’s due?”. Normally on holiday I role out of bed, squirt on some deodorant and put on whatever swimsuit I’ve managed to find that fits. I tie my hair back and off I go. The day then consists of me trying to position myself on a sunbed so that I look as less fat as possible and moving quickly to get into the pool to avoid being semi-naked in front of people for any length of time.  I spend most of the day imagining the other guests whispering behind their hands about how I must have no shame to look like I do and be out in public and why don’t I just go on a diet? I’m sure their conversations really consist of what cocktail to try next or relaying the plot of whatever book they’re reading to the other half

 Still the next time I go away, I’ve decided I’m having a “beach look”, if I’m going to wander around semi naked in public, I’m going to do it with confidence. I’ve worked hard to lose the weight I’ve lost so far and by the time I go away I hope to have lost another stone and a half. Every year in magazines there’s articles on how to look good on the beach and I always think “well that’s lovely, but you’re definition of curvy is a size 12 on a bad day”, so I’ve decided no more will I shrink away wearing the only swimsuit I can find that fits or something I’ve picked up for a fiver in the sales that involves me spending my holiday shoving my boobs back into it or wondering why a barman is smiling at me, only to realise I’ve been flashing my nipple at him for the last half an hour. I’m going to look switswoo!

I don’t mean I’m going to turn into one of those women who rocks up on an episode of “Maury” wearing a mini skirt with her ass hanging out the bottom and a crop top. A bikini is really a no-no, pants covered by belly overhang is not a good look! Instead I’m going to buy a couple of more expensive, but better fitted tankinis, ones that have panels to suck you in and come in your actual bra size. Bravissimo have some lovely ones at the moment. http://www.bravissimo.com/products/swimwear/#/1

  Then, because I’m not keen on my legs and bum, I’m going to buy a couple of sarongs There's loads of cheap ones in the supermarkets at the moment. That way I can cover my legs as I lounge on my sunbed and not worry about anyone breaking into a chorus of “thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder thighs”
  I may even treat myself to a kaftan, as I always think these look really glamorous particularly if worn with a big sunhat and oversized sunglasses! Marisota have some great ones.http://bit.ly/19T0vQx

  I’m even going to make an effort to make sure my nails are painted (toes and fingers) and when I get out of bed in a morning do more with my hair than scrunch it up in a bobble. I’ve even priced up some beads so I can make myself a couple of bracelets that won’t go manky in the pool.

As I see it, I’m never going to compete with someone who’s a size 8 when we’re both in swimwear, but I can make an effort to at least make sure I feel good in what I’m wearing. That way as I strut to the bar for a Strawberry Daiquiri (or something less fattening) I don’t care about my slightly oversized bottom, because it’s clothed in something fabulous!


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