Every office has one, a filling cabinet, they are the bane of the life
of anyone who is trying to watch their weight.
Now before you e-mail me, to say
I’ve spelt it wrong, it should be “filing cabinet”, I’d like to point out that
offices have both, you’ve probably just never realised that what’s it called.
Allow me to explain, the “FILING
Cabinet”, is a big silver thing that contains all the crap no one is really
sure what to do with, it’s the thing you sort out in that period between
Christmas & New Year when you have nothing else to do.
The "FILLING” Cabinet is also all
of the above, but it’s the cabinet where any food bought into the office is
placed.
Cakes for people’s birthday,
left over buffet from a board meeting, the holiday sweets from Ben in accounts
trip to Magaluf.
The FILLING Cabinet is the Joker
to the dieter’s Batman, the Moriarty to the Weight Watcher’s Sherlock, the Phil
Mitchell to the slimmer’s Ian Beale….. you get the point, it’s their nemesis!!!
This morning when I arrived at
work, some kind of cake and chocolate fairy had obviously been at work
overnight. The FILLING cabinet was awash with chocolate muffins, doughnut,
Quality Street and biscuits! As I hurried by them to the kitchen to make a
brew.
Devil Katie was shouting.....
“Do you know what goes well with a brew? A Chocolate muffin”
Angel Katie, had my back though…
“You said that Christmas would start on Christmas Eve and until then you
would stick to your diet”
Devil Katie tried a different tact…
“You’re already fat, what difference will one chocolate muffin make”
As I picked up my brew and walked out the kitchen, I paused briefly by
the muffins.
And then I walked away…..
Do you know what also goes well with a brew? A satsuma (It doesn’t, but
it’s better for me when I get on the scales!)
At the beginning of the year,
I decided that to celebrate my 40th in July, there would be a
calendar of events and I would spend as much time as I could celebrating my “big
birthday”. These events have included trips to the theatre, a “Come Dine with
Me” competition with friends, weekends away, ghost hunts, a spa day, scarecrow
making (don’t ask) afternoon tea and then a couple of amazing holidays.
It’s safe to say that by the time I stepped
off the plane last week at the end of what was technically the last in the
calendar of events, I was well aware that not only did I have 7 months of
amazingly happy memories, I also had a slightly expanded waistline!
So from a calendar of birthday events to a Christmas
countdown. I unashamedly use the “C” word, “The X Factor” is back and “Strictly
Come Dancing” starts this weekend and everyone knows that means Christmas is on
the way.
There’s 13 weeks until the big man arrives,
so even if I only lose a pound a week, that’s almost a stone gone.
As with all great plans, they start with
getting on the scales…. Well maybe not all great plans, I’m sure when
Christopher Columbus set sail for the new world, he didn’t say “wait a sec
chaps, I just need to see how much I weigh before I set off and make history”.
However, that’s exactly how my plan began
(not the new world bit) I got on my scales in my bathroom and had a little cry,
according to them I’d put on 5 stones… was that possible? I got off and on
again only to discover that I’d now lost 10 stone and was bordering on
dangerously thin. I haven’t spent years reading mystery novels not to not have
learnt some detective skills. I deduced my scales were about as reliable as the
England football team at a major international tournament!
Heading to the gym, I thought I’d use their all singing, all dancing scales, the ones that measure your height, weight,
BMI, shoe size, length of your hair etc.
I’d given myself a stern talking to
all the way to the gym, that even if the changing room was full, I would still
get on them. I would brave the embarrassment of putting my pound in the machine
and stepping on them. What did it matter if people were in there? It’s not like
they’d be able to hear what I weighed! However ideal scenario…. The changing
room would be empty (cue my use of visualization techniques)
Walking into the changing room, I realized I
was good at this visualization malarkey…. The changing room was empty! I made a
note to work on the “me and Matt Goss get married visualisation”
I put my pound in
*** changing room door opens,
in walks two thin women***
I take my shoes off and step
on the scale
*** changing room door opens
again, in walks another woman*
I grab the side handles of
the scales…
At that point, a great secret
was revealed, it turns out the scales at my gym are the weighing equivalent of
flipping Zoltar.
It’s big booming voice echoed
all over the changing room “If you want to know your BMI, keep holding on to
the handles”
I could feel myself start to flush scarlet…
how far would weight loss Zoltar go? Would he announce to the world my vital
statistics, or would I find myself being turned into a 12-year-old forced to
launch a comedy style mission to find weight loss Zoltar so I could turn myself
back, whilst learning a few important life lessons along the way and cementing
my lifelong friendships?
I began hoping for number 2…. anything rather
than those numbers being read out loud!
Fortunately, weight loss Zoltar then shut his
face and simply printed me off a ticket with a helpful suggestion of a goal
weight.
Whilst the ticket didn’t make for pretty
reading, I’ve decided it probably deserves a place in my memory book, if only
because it signifies the start of phase 2 of the calendar of events. A calendar
that involves trips to the gym!
When it comes to books, I
find that some people are very snobby. “Have you read the latest by *insert name of obscure author here*,
the composition of characters is just marvelous, the imagery just sublime and
by the end of it it really made me question the whole question of where did
squirrels come from”
Ok that book might not exist, but you get my
point, My favourite books are “Great Expectations” (it’s a really good story) any
“Adrian Mole” (makes me laugh as much today as it did when I was 11 years old)
and “Rivals” by Jilly Cooper!
My well worn, well read copy of "Rivals"
I didn't realise quite how well worn it was!
Now before the book snobs turn their nose up
and other people wonder what on earth this has to do with weight loss, this is
it! I love “Rivals”, because it’s the tale of a group of people (Venturer) bidding
against another group of people (Corinium) for the right to run their local TV
station. The leader of Corinium is a dirty horrible scoundrel who cheats and
lies to try and get his way. On the day the license is awarded, the leader of Venturer (Declan) is convinced that they haven’t got it and as he’s about to walk away, he’s
called into a room and told that yes they’ve won it. He's also handed a sheet of
paper, with the names of all the people who work for his rival, saying what a
good bloke he is and how they’d rather work for him. He’s told that whenever he
feels down he should look at this piece of paper.
Alright, I’m probably not selling the book
and I probably should have issued a spoiler alert, but today I was reminded of
that piece of paper and the fact I have my own version.
Today has been really tricky, with a few
issues raising their work related head and I found myself really REALLY angry.
The sort of anger that has enveloped me only twice in my life. Most people will
refer to themselves as chilled and relaxed, but I really am. One of my best
qualities (apart from my awesome sense of humour, beautiful eyes and cracking
pair of boobs) is the fact I very rarely lose my temper and if I do get mildly
annoyed, I forgive really quickly and move on. Today was not one of those days.
I tried to employ every technique I could to
cheer myself up, but not even singing “I’m in the Mood for Dancing” helped. So I headed off to the supermarket. I was an angry shopper,
screaming children in trollies annoyed me, people wading through the packs of
strawberries looking for the longest best before date drove me mad! I figured I
may as well just fill my trolley with pizza, garlic bread and a vat of Ben and
Jerrys and just head home.
And then I remembered the weekend I’d just
enjoyed. The weekend where one of my best friends made the journey from
Weymouth to surprise me for the first of my 40th birthday
celebrations…
the weekend where all my friends joined me for afternoon tea, prosecco
and cake.
The weekend where we stuck our heads in a Las Vegas showgirl cutout
and laughed.
The weekend where I spent a gloriously hot Sunday at Wollaton Park
with my friends, godchildren and dogs. The weekend where all of my friends
scribbled notes on polaroid pictures.
This weekend and the memories it created were
what was important. So my trolley remained pizza, garlic bread and ice cream
free. I came home I made myself a prawn salad and prepared my overnight oats
for the tomorrow.
I know when I step on the scales tomorrow I’ll
have put weight on, but it will be pounds created out of fun and laughter.
Today it was back to normal and the love and fun I'd felt over the weekend was the thing I needed to prevent my anger from really screwing over my diet for all the wrong reasons!
