Romantic Notions

Ever since I first saw the film “Baby Boom”, I’ve had romantic notions about packing my bags moving to a small town with a population of 50. There I would meet the man of my dreams, who coincidentally would be the only single man in the town, devilishly handsome with a winning personality, a cracking sense of humour and is the local vet. The reality is I’d probably move there, they wouldn’t welcome me because “I wasn’t from these parts” and the only single man would be in his 80’s and not looking for a long term relationship!

  I have similar such notions with yoga. Ever since Geri Halliwell quit the Spice Girls, dyed her hair a subtler shade of strawberry blonde and ditched the Union Jack dress for yoga pants, I have wanted to take up yoga. As the images of Geri doing yoga on the beach in her bikini, whilst NBF George Michael sat there watching, I’ve wanted to take up yoga. Then I could practice my downward facing dog on the beach, whilst my 80’s popstar best friend watched on.

  Last night, my romantic notion became a reality! Although there was no beach involved, no George Michael and I certainly wasn’t a demurer version of Ginger Spice!

  Despite having a hacking cough, I thought it would be a good idea to go along to Body Balance, a hybrid of yoga and Pilates. By the time Lucy and I had got our matts, the only spaces left in the class were right at the front. That in itself was bad enough, but my spot was not only right at the front…. But right in front of the teacher!

  Even when it’s a class I’ve done for a while, I really don’t like standing in front of the teacher, there’s that awkward moment, where you can’t avoid eye contact, you might go the wrong way and bang into them and most importantly EVERYONE ELSE CAN SEE YOU!

  As I practiced my sun salutations and moved into warrior pose, I felt less Geri Halliwell and more Jerry Springer.

“Turn your chest and open it towards the sun” purred the teacher as she stood firm in warrior pose and arched her back. I couldn’t stop the thought of if I turned my chest towards the sun, I’d probably cause a total eclipse!

  In downward facing dog, presented me with two worrying situations

1   1) The man facing me was pretty much getting a full on view down my top! I imagine the sight of my scaffolding like sports bra combined with my jelly belly was hardly adding to his serene and calming experience.

      2) There was every chance I would be suffocated by my own boobs.

I thought by the time we got to the hip stretches I had nailed it, but it turned out my stretches were the body balance equivalent of Joey from “Friends” learning how to speak French.

  At the end of the class as we all lay on the floor and “put down the troubles of our day” and breathed ourselves into a relaxing state, it became apparent that I couldn’t even do that! Having a cough and laying still isn’t really an option so I spent 10 minutes trying not to choke to death, so that I didn’t disturb the class! Fortunately, I was saved by a lady who burst into the room thinking it was the start of the class. She caused such a kerfuffle, I was able to sneak in a cheeky cough.

  So my romantic notion, didn’t quite live up to the reality! But I’m pretty willing to bet before Geri did a handstand on the beach in public, she fell on her ass a few times. So I’ll go back next week only this time, I’ll do the following

1) I'll take my own matt, so I can stand at the back

2) Wear a high neck t-shirt

2    3) Spend the next week trying to convince an 80’s pop star to be my NBF and come to class with me!