Confessions of a Shopaholic

So despite a brief cheesecake reunion, when I stepped on the scales yesterday, I’d managed to lose a pound! I am now just 10 pounds off of my 15% goal. (I say "just" like it wont take me a month to lose that!) At least I’m chipping away at it!

  Yesterday I had a really busy day with work, but between meetings, Lucy and I managed to fit in a cheeky shopping trip. I used to hate shopping! As a fat person there is nothing worse than going into certain high-street shops and seeing the wannabe glamour model shop assistant look at you as though they’d found a pair Bridget Jones pants in amongst their thongs.

  I used to be so paranoid about walking into one of these shops, because I’d imagine the shop assistants whispering about me behind their ridiculously long and not practical for a working woman nails. I thought they’d look at me and saying “we’ve got nothing for you in here fattie” I wouldn’t dare pick up any of the clothes in case I heard someone laugh that they thought, I thought I would fit into that particular item!

  Instead I’d wait patiently outside changing rooms, waiting for my sister or friends to try on clothes and just hold their bags. I was so paranoid, I would never try on clothes in front of my friends, because I’d be embarrassed by the size I needed and even then I couldn’t guarantee it would fit me. If I did ever pluck up the courage to try anything on during a shopping trip and it didn’t fit, I’d just come out of the changing room and say something like “I didn’t like it" or "it looked nicer on the hanger” Anything to hide my embarrassment.

  All my clothes shopping was done online, because lets face it, if something doesn’t fit, you put it back in its bag and send it back! Plus you don’t have to see the look of horror on the shop assistant’s face at the size you’ve picked up!

  Yesterday felt different, I wandered into shops, I hadn’t been in, in years. I’ll be honest I’m not Top Shop ready yet, but I’m really proud of what I’ve achieved so far. Yesterday I didn’t care what the shop assistants MIGHT be thinking and lets face it, they’re probably only thinking about what they’re going to have for tea or the fact their feet hurt. I even held up a pair of leather hot pants with zips up the side and mocked them, even if I could have fit into them, I wouldn't have worn them, I'm not on an episode of "TOWIE"

Since October 30^th 2012 I have lost a total of 33 pounds and gone down 2 dress sizes. I feel more like myself than I have done in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I still miss my Mum, Gran and friends terribly and the sense of loss I feel sometimes hits me like an unexpected punch in the stomach.  Since I was stalked, I struggle to speak to people I don’t know and I don’t want people to get too close to me.  All I can do is carry on trying and living my life making every second count!

Me & Mum