For those
of you who read my blog last week, the races were a huge success! We had an
amazing day out and although we only managed to win about £2.50 and I indulged
in a piece of pork pie, which maybe wasn’t so great, it was just a brilliant
laugh from start to finish! My dress even stood up to some quite energetic
bouncing during the Take That experiences rendition of “Let Me Entertain You”
my boobs stayed firmly in place, so thank you Asos curve! I really can’t
recommend that range highly enough www.asos.com
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| Me & my sexy ladies |
I went to the races with a great bunch of
ladies and as conversation does when there’s a group of girls together we ended
up talking about boys. We got chatting to a group of lads who used such chat up
lines on as “I can tell how old a woman is by feeling her breasts”. He was a
little taken aback when I replied that I could just tell him how old I was and
therefore cut down his need to fondle me. There was also a guy who quite openly
admitted he was married and then spent the day trying to crack off with anyone
who would basically talk to him (his wife’s a lucky lady!)
I am lucky enough to be friends with some
amazing ladies and it appears that just recently we’ve all had some really
rotten experiences with men. I think there’s a tendency to think that when
you’ve lost your weight and you have an amazing slinky body that the man of
your dreams will find you and you’ll spend you life living in total
relationship smugness, getting to say to your single friends “don’t worry I
never thought I’d find the man of my dreams and then I did, if it can happen to
me, it can happen to you” That very phrase makes me want to punch whoever says
it in the teeth and then line up bits of Lego for them to walk on (if you’ve
never trod on a piece of Lego it REALLY hurts)!
My friend Laura has just recently decided to
start dating again after getting divorced and so far has been out with a couple
of different blokes. The last bloke she went on 2 dates with. Date number 1 was
a walk in Leicestershire, where she ended up paying for dinner, whilst he
chatted about himself and gave her a mini history lesson on Turkey. Date number
2 was dinner (and this bit is important) where she had olives (as did he) the
fish and Eton Mess. At the end of the meal she offered to pay half and he
refused. Again he chatted about himself and the night ended with a snog, where
Laura said she felt like her face had been actually sucked off and she had to surreptitiously
wipe the slobber from her mouth when he wasn’t looking. Laura decided that it
wasn’t going to work so when she got home she sent him a text saying thanks for
a lovely date, she thought he was a nice chap, but didn’t think it was going to
work. He sent her back this text…
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| The genuine text my friend received! |
I’m sure
his mother is very proud. Another friend of mine has also gone on a dating site
and she received a message from someone saying, “fat people shouldn’t be on
dating sites” I’m not sure why this particular charmer is still single.
I have dated many blokes over the years, when
I’ve been fat and thin, some of them have been lovely and I have remained close
friends with them and others were a waste of air. I’ve heard lines such as “you
didn’t reply to my text message quick enough so I got engaged to someone else”,
“I’ve fallen in friendship with you” and there was the bloke who got all upset
because when we went to the cinema, I turned to look at a poster of Robert De
Niro, apparently this meant that me and Robert (or Bobby D as I like to call
him, because we are so close) were in a relationship! Just recently a bloke asked me out, he then cancelled when he went on holiday with the girlfriend
he told me he’d split up with!
Kelly Brook has also been in the press
recently because she’s dumped her boyfriend and he’s retaliated by saying all
kinds of horrible things about her. Just makes you think that if even someone
as beautiful as Kelly Brook (love or hate her she’s a sexy lady) has man
trouble then there really is no pleasing men. It just goes to show that whether
you’re thin or fat some men are just aren’t worth the hassle.
Kelly Brook if you want to come and hang out
with me and my friends, you’re more than welcome, we really are hilar!
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