On
Sunday, we are off to Ladies Day at Southwell Races and I’m really looking
forward to it. We went last year for the first time and loved it, because lets
face it what girl doesn’t love a chance to get dressed up?
Last
year when I went, I bought the first dress that fit me and I had just
walked out on my job so I was at a pretty low ebb and when I look at the
pictures I think that really shows.
This year however, I’m over 2 stones lighter
and I have put some real thought into what I want to wear, Today I’m off for a
manicure and pedicure, Saturday I’m having a fake tan (don’t worry I’m not
auditioning for a role on TOWIE) and I have bought a dress I love!
One problem I always have with clothes is
finding things that fit my boobs properly. Fat or thin I always have huge
boobs, I think this is genetic as my Mum’s side of the family were all big
bosomed (do people use that phrase anymore?) If you listen to people like Gok,
they’ll tell you that a wrap over dress is perfect if you have large hooters,
however I would argue that they’re not. I always find with a wrap over dress
that when you put it on in a morning it starts off looking lovely, your bazookas
are firmly strapped in place and you’re hot to trot. A car journey later and
you look as though you’re a wannabe WAG on the hunt for a Premiership boyfriend
as your bangers are fighting to escape the dress like day old puppies squirming
to find food. By lunchtime you’ve got so much boobage on display that you look
like you’re on your way home from a nightclub having lap danced Callum Best. My
point is wrap dresses aren’t great for big hooters. If I do have my head turned
by a wrap dress, I invariably end up putting a vest top underneath it so I
remain within the realms of decency!
Imagine my delight when I purchased a dress
from ASOS Curve (which is my new favourite range) that not only fit me perfectly,
but also covered my G’s brilliantly. I have a very strict “does it really fit
my jugs properly routine” this involves me jumping up and down for 30 seconds,
if they’re still in place that gets them 1 point. I then run up and down
stairs; still where they should be? 2 points! Walking at a fast pace around the
kitchen: no movement 3 points! And finally my winning dance routine to “Don’t
Stop Me Now” If they pass all those tests then it’s a winner. This particular
dress did and so I will be wearing it on Sunday. I must add that these tests
are probably best carried out in the privacy of your own home. Although if all
women adopt my methods, changing rooms would be far more fun, than the places
of misery they generally are.
I hate changing rooms, I always seem to get
stuck next to the supermodel who tries on clothes and then feels the need to
invert her back so she can stick her non existent tummy out and complain that
the dress makes her look fat. The supermodel always seems to have on the right
underwear to go with the dress she’s trying on, where I seem to have decided to
wear my very worst underwear ever and so whatever I try on, makes me look like
Dawn French when she wore the Versace dress to snog Hugh Grant. See reminder
below
Anyway that aside I have my dress for Sunday
it is whopper safe so should I win big on the horses (well as big as you can
when you bet a pound each way) and I jump up and down there will be no
embarrassing incidents, well not dress related at least!
My advice is, that if you have big boobs, could
be genetics, could be you’ve had them surgically altered, then hunt around for
clothes that actually fit, they will make you feel better about yourself and
you wont have to do that thing where you have to find a quiet place to shove
your boobies back in place!
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