Let's Get Physical

So now I’ve moved house, I decided it was time to get me moving and join my local gym. Last night I had my induction session. This is where you meet an instructor; they weigh, measure you and set you a programme of torturous exercises to do. In fairness, this isn’t how they sell it to you!

  I have a long-standing hatred of exercise and I believe it stems from the P.E teachers at school. At primary school, I loved playing tennis and badminton and I was actually good at them, I was even in the netball team. Once I got to senior school, it appeared these sports were off the agenda and it was all about hockey (dull) cross country, (which apparently can only be done on the rainiest of rainy days) and when the swimming pool worked, swimming. I like swimming, but I dislike VERY much being given 2 minutes to get dried and changed before Mrs Evil threw open the changing room doors. To me, it seemed our P.E teachers had no imagination and really only liked wearing tracksuits and drinking coffee. Hopefully these days P.E is different and children actually learn stuff and are encouraged. As a result my beloved music teachers allowed me to schedule my flute lessons whilst P.E was on and I was able to get out of P.E for most of the 5^th year and pass my music exams with flying colours!

  In later life, I think it's made me regard fitness instructors / Personal trainers as slightly odd beings, they talk in a language I don’t understand and seem to make up weird rules and say stuff like, “If you only eat carbs for 5 minutes on a Tuesday whilst standing on one leg then your metabolic heart rate will boost your digestive system, which in turn will kick start your BMI, which should be at 4.5” 

  Personal Trainers also shout a lot, uninspiring things such as "move it", "you're not trying hard enough", not sure Martin Luther King would be quaking in his boots at those "inspiring" statements. The ones that use a Madonna type headset, seem to think that means they can sing. Polite note to these people "the headset doesn't mean you can sing, so don't, it embarrasses me and it embarrasses you" And my least favourite thing, is when they use phrases such as "let's get jacked / ripped / stacked" etc, seriously why do certain men think it's attractive to achieve a body shape that makes you walk like you've shat yourself, you can't put your arms by your side and your neck has disappeared into your shoulders? Plus when they've achieved that shape they then self-tan themselves to a point where even the cast of "TOWIE" would say "that's a bit orange mate"

 A couple of years ago a few friends and me did a boot camp, and I hated every single solitary second of it. There were 3 sessions a week, which normally involved burpees (which sicko invented those?) lifting something really heavy, sit ups and star jumps (not ideal when you have large boobs). On a Saturday morning, the torture was moved outside to a nearby park, so we got to do all the things we did inside, outside and in the mud! It was during these sessions, I realised a few things about myself;

1)     I’m not great at doing what I’m told.
 Instructor: “Katie give me 10 more”
Me: “no” (*walking away*)

2)     I’m not really competitive
Instructor – “losing team has to run round the park 10 more times”
Me: I’m not”
Instructor: “don’t you want to win?”
Me – “Is there a prize?”
Instructor: “No”
Me – “then no”

After 6 weeks of burpees, lunges and squats, I think I got fitter, I don’t actually know my final results, because we never received them despite asking. I judged my fitness on the fact that at the start of the course, it was either exercise or swear at the instructors and by the end of it I could manage both!

my sexy post Bootcamp session face!

  Anyway last night I went to the gym and met Instructor Matt, who was a nice enough chap, and very enthusiastic. I felt however I stole his thunder a little. After the initial “do you have any injuries”, to which I told him about my manky ankle (I got run over by a boy racer a few years ago and it’s never quite been the same) and my back, which I pulled the other week, I’m physically OK. He weighed me, he grimaced at the scales, and said, “so you want to lose weight”, I saw disappointment flicker across his face when I said “well I’ve already lost 2 and a half stone, so it’s just to continue with that and start to tone up”. He asked what I’d been doing, so we had a little chat about weight watchers. He then said “have you reached a plateau with your weight loss?” and again disappointment tinged his face when I said “no, I’ve moved house and am now settled enough to re-join a gym” He also measured me and I’m an inch taller than I thought. This news made me happy as now I have to lose less weight than I thought (every cloud and all that)

  I have to say Matt has put together a really good programme for me and unlike previous trainers he actually listened to me. I wont run, I hate it, no point trying to make me, so we compromised on walking quickly on the treadmill. I hate the rowing machine, it hurts my ankle. I hate it when trainers try to tell me it’s good for me, it’s not their ankle, it’s mine and I know what it hurts it! 

  I have a mixture of cardio stuff (bike / bouncy cross trainer thing and treadmill) and weights stuff, all designed to tone me up and actually I reckon I can do it, so much so I’m off to the gym again tomorrow morning. I have to meet him again in 6 weeks so he can assess my progress and then alter the torture (sorry programme) accordingly.

  All that's left for me to do now is put together a suitable cheesy playlist for my I Pod, any suggestions gratefully received, but I reckon this will HAVE to go on it!