Last week
I allowed someone I dislike very much to have a negative affect on me. A friend
of mine told me a few things that had been said about me by a former friend and
whether I was just feeling a bit more sensitive than normal, it really got to
me. So much so that my poor sister was subjected to me crying and ranting. Lucy
is very good at letting me get it out of my system before trying to reason with
me.
After I’d had my rant, I was mad at myself,
in the last 12 months I’ve worked really hard at leaving all the negative
aspects of my life behind. I realised that one person who has bad teeth and an
even worse attitude, is really of very little significance to me. I’m
responsible for what happens to me and only I can make changes. I think this
realisation was the first step in me being able to lose weight, I’d spent so
long letting myself feel like a victim, that I really had stopped caring about
myself or what happened to me. I think there are two kinds of people in life
those that allow themselves to be a victim and spend their whole lives living
that way and blaming all the bad stuff that happens to them on that or those
that think well that was a lot of horrible stuff that happened, now it’s time
to learn from it and move on! I’m the latter, being stalked definitely had a
major affect on me and I remember my counsellor saying to me sometimes things
randomly happen, sounds flippant, but she didn’t mean it that way, fate says
“it’s you”, sometimes it’s a good thing that happens like winning the lottery and
others it’s a bad thing.
Just before Christmas last year, Lucy
introduced me to a book called “The Secret”, I’m not really one for self-help
books, but Lucy started raving about it, so I thought why not? The basic
premise of it is “what you think about you bring about”, in it’s simplest
sense, how many times have you thought, “I’ve not seen Bob (or insert name of your choice here) for ages”, then you’ve nipped
down to Sainsbury’s and there’s Bob.
I was intrigued by the premise that I could
“order” things from the Universe by thinking positively and visualising myself
doing / having these things. Now don’t get me wrong, Matt Goss still hasn’t
turned up on my doorstep in a tuxedo, holding a bunch of yellow roses and a
Cartier engagement ring, but I feel like I’ve changed my attitude and generally
view things more positively. If I get stuck in a traffic jam, I just think “oh
well” and use it as an excuse to sing tunelessly along to my favourite songs, I
also visualise the traffic jam dispersing and me motoring happily along!
Reaching my goal weight is my main focus and
although I’ve reached a bit of a plateau over the last couple of weeks, I carry
in my head a vision of the dress I’m going to buy when I reach my goal weight. For
those of you who know me really well, I’ve also picked out the shoes and bag to
go with it! My Pinterest board is also full of looks I want to recreate (I’m
hoping those clothes are still in fashion by the time I reach goal)
“The Secret” has also helped me realise that
if first thing in the morning I stub my toe, then the dog jumps up and knocks
over my breakfast, then that’s not my day ruined, it’s just a blip!
I also keep a grateful journal and try to
write in 5 things everyday that I’m grateful for, most of the time it seems to
be the fact that Cyril hasn’t destroyed something, but hey, where that dog is
concerned I’m grateful for anything that involves me not legging it around the
garden whilst he attempts to bury my remote control in a flowerbed.
So last week as I calmed myself down, I
listened to “The Secret”, I like the audio version because it’s full of really
excitable Americans, and I like excitable Americans. I also have a file full of
pictures of things I want, I flicked through that and imagined me laying on a
tropical beach somewhere in a size 10 bikini, whilst a hot man served me
cocktails, somehow that made me feel better.
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