Don't Say Bum It's Naughty

My week of back to basics has started to work and I lost a pound this week! I’ve given myself a massive talking to and I’ve worked hard at upping my exercise, trips to the gym, walking the dog and even spring cleaning the office, which involved lots of lifting things. Every little bonus point helps! I’ve also experimented in the kitchen, in more ways than seeing if watering my houseplant will bring it back to life!

  I went through my cookbook and this week, I’ve made banana and peanut butter muffins, which were nice, even if they did have soggy bottoms. Which was the review my friend Gripper gave them…. At least I think he was talking about the muffins!

Banana & peanut butter muffins ingredients

The soggy bottomed muffins

  I also made bacon and chilli pasta and a salmon and prawn pie. All from Weight Watchers recipes and all Katie-cooking friendly, and they actually tasted pretty good!

making the pie

  As my reward, I treated myself to a couple of trashy magazines. I love reading about random celebrities; how they’re swearing off men following their latest heartbreakingly devastating relationship breakup, only for the following week to be seen out and about with a new mystery man. I love the stories about the beauty treatments I should try; a £1000 liquid gold facial sounds like something I’ll definitely not be trying. I’m also running an unofficially tally as to exactly how many pages in one magazine can be dedicated to the cast of TOWIE (13 out of 90 in this week’s “NOW”)

 My favourite article was all about “Bumology” I’ve only just got my head round what a “Belfie” is (a bum selfie) Apparently Bumology allows you to tell all about someone from the shape and size of their bums. So just in case you're planning on picking your future friends by the size of their arses, these are the categories. (said in my best award announcing voice)

·       The Square Bum as seen on people like Cameron Diaz. Square bummed people are laidback and not good at making decisions.

·       The Heart-Shaped bum – as seen on Rihanna, these people are romantic, loyal and sensitive.

·       The Pear Shaped bum, think Mercedes from “Hollyoaks”, these people are ruthless, but also make good friends.

·       The Flat Bum, these flat-bottomed people are like Katie Price and they tend to be obsessed with work and can be negative.

·       The Pert Bum, unsurprisingly Cheryl Cole falls into this category and if you’ve got a pert bottom you’re artistic, creative and great friends with Simon Cowell (one of those things may be a lie)

·       The Full Round Bum, I think this is me, because I think it's a polite way of saying "has a lot of junk in the trunk" apparently having a big bum makes me sensitive with a short fuse (particularly when someone mentions my big bottom) defensive, stubborn and opinionated, but on the plus side my big bum makes caring and allows me to think I'm a goddess.

Reading the article it felt a little bit like reading your horoscopes for the year in January, I was reading the description of what a fat bottomed girl is like (sorry lady with a full round bum) and nodding, yes I am like that, I AM sensitive, I AM stubborn and I DO think I’m a goddess!

   As I read the article, I realised that playing in my head were the lyrics to a song my Dad made up when we were little, it goes

“Don’t say bum it’s naughty, don’t say bum it’s rude, don’t say bum it’s naughty, don’t say bum to me”

Surprising really that Dad never made it in the song writing Hall of Fame alongside the likes of Lennon and McCartney. Still I’m sure if there’s ever a TV show called “Celebrity Bumology” Dad would be happy to negotiate a fee for them to use his song as the theme tune!

  My full round bottom and I are off to the gym later to try and continue my Slinky quest to make my bottom a little less full and a little less round!

PS - It's the National Blog Awards tomorrow night so wish me luck that I bring home the award in the Lifestyle category!