Rivals!

When it comes to books, I find that some people are very snobby. “Have you read the latest by *insert name of obscure author here*, the composition of characters is just marvelous, the imagery just sublime and by the end of it it really made me question the whole question of where did squirrels come from”

  Ok that book might not exist, but you get my point, My favourite books are “Great Expectations” (it’s a really good story) any “Adrian Mole” (makes me laugh as much today as it did when I was 11 years old) and “Rivals” by Jilly Cooper!

My well worn, well read copy of "Rivals"

I didn't realise quite how well worn it was!

  Now before the book snobs turn their nose up and other people wonder what on earth this has to do with weight loss, this is it! I love “Rivals”, because it’s the tale of a group of people (Venturer) bidding against another group of people (Corinium) for the right to run their local TV station. The leader of Corinium is a dirty horrible scoundrel who cheats and lies to try and get his way. On the day the license is awarded, the leader of Venturer (Declan) is convinced that they haven’t got it and as he’s about to walk away, he’s called into a room and told that yes they’ve won it. He's also handed a sheet of paper, with the names of all the people who work for his rival, saying what a good bloke he is and how they’d rather work for him. He’s told that whenever he feels down he should look at this piece of paper.

  Alright, I’m probably not selling the book and I probably should have issued a spoiler alert, but today I was reminded of that piece of paper and the fact I have my own version.

 Today has been really tricky, with a few issues raising their work related head and I found myself really REALLY angry. The sort of anger that has enveloped me only twice in my life. Most people will refer to themselves as chilled and relaxed, but I really am. One of my best qualities (apart from my awesome sense of humour, beautiful eyes and cracking pair of boobs) is the fact I very rarely lose my temper and if I do get mildly annoyed, I forgive really quickly and move on. Today was not one of those days.

  I tried to employ every technique I could to cheer myself up, but not even singing “I’m in the Mood for Dancing” helped. So I headed off to the supermarket. I was an angry shopper, screaming children in trollies annoyed me, people wading through the packs of strawberries looking for the longest best before date drove me mad! I figured I may as well just fill my trolley with pizza, garlic bread and a vat of Ben and Jerrys and just head home.

  And then I remembered the weekend I’d just enjoyed. The weekend where one of my best friends made the journey from Weymouth to surprise me for the first of my 40^th birthday celebrations… 

the weekend where all my friends joined me for afternoon tea, prosecco and cake. 

The weekend where we stuck our heads in a Las Vegas showgirl cutout and laughed. 

The weekend where I spent a gloriously hot Sunday at Wollaton Park with my friends, godchildren and dogs. The weekend where all of my friends scribbled notes on polaroid pictures.

  This weekend and the memories it created were what was important. So my trolley remained pizza, garlic bread and ice cream free. I came home I made myself a prawn salad and prepared my overnight oats for the tomorrow.

  I know when I step on the scales tomorrow I’ll have put weight on, but it will be pounds created out of fun and laughter. Today it was back to normal and the love and fun I'd felt over the weekend was the thing I needed to prevent my anger from really screwing over my diet for all the wrong reasons!

Don't Cha!

If I'm REALLY honest, food wise this week hasn't been great, exercise wise I have been an angel Lots and lots of walking and I've even got round to one of my New Year's resolution. Somehow this has all collided to mean I've lost a pound, so I'm happy with that. This week I intend to be good both food and exercise wise!

There are two outstanding memories I have from my clubbing days, one is the image of the women of Mansfield attempting to woo the men of North Nottinghamshire with by recreating the Eric Prydz video to “Call Me” and the other is, girls "slut dropping" and  pretending they were Nicole Scherzinger. 

  Now don’t get me wrong, I love to dance and harbour secret hopes of being asked to be a contestant on “Strictly Come Dancing”, paired with Artem Chigvintsev. This would subsequently lead to a long term love affair and possibly marriage. I am the girl who throws herself around the dance floor in a comedy way, I am not the girl who struts and thrusts in a sexy way, because lets face it I’m not sexy and I have never felt sexy regardless of what weight I've been.

  One of my new year’s resolutions was to do something to make myself try and feel a bit sexier. Even though I am losing weight and my body is changing it’s a slow process and I don’t feel sexy, I still feel big. So I decided I would do something where the whole premise was to love your body and show it off! So with the aid of a Living Social deal and two of my bessies I managed to convince them we should try pole dancing! Shoulder injuries better (Paula) and boxing match fought and won (Laura) it was time to do it.

Pole dancing like the pros...

   I booked us into the class and the lady e-mailed to say we needed to bring loose trousers, shorts, trainers and heels. I refuse point blank to get my legs out for anyone so I ignored that bit and took everything else. When we arrived, it became quite apparent that me, Laura and Paula were the oldest  ladies in the class, and in my case, the largest. It felt a little bit like we’d walked into a university party, everyone else in the room  seemed to be 19, in micro hotpants, vest tops with neon bras peeking out from underneath and banging bodies! As we waited for the class to start we noticed that the girls seemed to be greasing their thighs with baby lotion. Not only had I not bought shorts, I'd completely forgotten the baby lotion, it's all I can do to remember my keys when I go out!

  Please don’t think that we’d walked into a room with lots of mean girls who stared and pointed at us, because we really hadn’t. These were pretty sexy girls who smiled at us; the women who were quite clearly heading for an age where dislocating a hip could be a real possibility. The teacher was an Amazonian goddess and as she talked us through the “fireman spin” and the “ankle twirl” (I might have made up the name of that last one) she made it look REALLY easy! When she said who wants a go I found myself stepping confidently towards the pole, grabbing it with both hands and then executing what can only be described as the “fireman falling on his ass spin” 

action shot! Yes I really am spinning that quickly!

  Undeterred I tried again, Laura commented I was less pole dancer and more a skipping Mary Poppins! Julie Andrews is sexy right?

 As we took turns to twiddle around the pole, occasionally stopping to wipe it with a flannel (cue lots of greasing the pole type jokes) I watched the other girls, the longer the class went on, the more items of clothing were removed; tracksuit bottoms became hot pants, vest tops became crop tops and I think one girl even put on a corset.

  These girls were amazing, they were far more advanced than our fireman spins, they were hanging upside down, holding on by a thigh, spinning left, then right. It's hard to believe that I will ever be able to do anymore than spin around with one foot clearly routed on the ground, although the Amazonian goddess instructor seemed to think that we would be able to! I promise if we reach this stage, I'll video it for you! There is something about dancing around a pole that makes you feel sexy! Even me in my tracky bottoms, man's t-shirt and socks with a hole in, for the first time possibly ever I felt a teeny tiny bit sexy and led to a moment where I felt the need to do a Miley Cyrus type twerk!

  Apart from the fact that today I can barely move my arms and I have some interesting bruises on my shins, I loved every second of pole dancing. Sexy is more about a state of mind and attitude than what you look like, it's about pushing your shoulders back, holding your head high and feeling good in whatever you're wearing. 

  Just recently I've found myself so focused on the end result of losing weight, I've forgotten to enjoy what I'm doing and not be afraid to do different things. So whilst I won't be hanging upside down on a pole anytime soon, when I do and I fall off I will do it with a Slinky smile!