Rivals!

When it comes to books, I find that some people are very snobby. “Have you read the latest by *insert name of obscure author here*, the composition of characters is just marvelous, the imagery just sublime and by the end of it it really made me question the whole question of where did squirrels come from”

  Ok that book might not exist, but you get my point, My favourite books are “Great Expectations” (it’s a really good story) any “Adrian Mole” (makes me laugh as much today as it did when I was 11 years old) and “Rivals” by Jilly Cooper!

My well worn, well read copy of "Rivals"

I didn't realise quite how well worn it was!

  Now before the book snobs turn their nose up and other people wonder what on earth this has to do with weight loss, this is it! I love “Rivals”, because it’s the tale of a group of people (Venturer) bidding against another group of people (Corinium) for the right to run their local TV station. The leader of Corinium is a dirty horrible scoundrel who cheats and lies to try and get his way. On the day the license is awarded, the leader of Venturer (Declan) is convinced that they haven’t got it and as he’s about to walk away, he’s called into a room and told that yes they’ve won it. He's also handed a sheet of paper, with the names of all the people who work for his rival, saying what a good bloke he is and how they’d rather work for him. He’s told that whenever he feels down he should look at this piece of paper.

  Alright, I’m probably not selling the book and I probably should have issued a spoiler alert, but today I was reminded of that piece of paper and the fact I have my own version.

 Today has been really tricky, with a few issues raising their work related head and I found myself really REALLY angry. The sort of anger that has enveloped me only twice in my life. Most people will refer to themselves as chilled and relaxed, but I really am. One of my best qualities (apart from my awesome sense of humour, beautiful eyes and cracking pair of boobs) is the fact I very rarely lose my temper and if I do get mildly annoyed, I forgive really quickly and move on. Today was not one of those days.

  I tried to employ every technique I could to cheer myself up, but not even singing “I’m in the Mood for Dancing” helped. So I headed off to the supermarket. I was an angry shopper, screaming children in trollies annoyed me, people wading through the packs of strawberries looking for the longest best before date drove me mad! I figured I may as well just fill my trolley with pizza, garlic bread and a vat of Ben and Jerrys and just head home.

  And then I remembered the weekend I’d just enjoyed. The weekend where one of my best friends made the journey from Weymouth to surprise me for the first of my 40^th birthday celebrations… 

the weekend where all my friends joined me for afternoon tea, prosecco and cake. 

The weekend where we stuck our heads in a Las Vegas showgirl cutout and laughed. 

The weekend where I spent a gloriously hot Sunday at Wollaton Park with my friends, godchildren and dogs. The weekend where all of my friends scribbled notes on polaroid pictures.

  This weekend and the memories it created were what was important. So my trolley remained pizza, garlic bread and ice cream free. I came home I made myself a prawn salad and prepared my overnight oats for the tomorrow.

  I know when I step on the scales tomorrow I’ll have put weight on, but it will be pounds created out of fun and laughter. Today it was back to normal and the love and fun I'd felt over the weekend was the thing I needed to prevent my anger from really screwing over my diet for all the wrong reasons!

The Bitch Box

If I were one for using bad language, there would be a stream of expletives to describe the week I’ve just had. Monday was the culmination of a lot of dastardly deeds done by others last year, which basically meant a project I was involved in with, could no longer continue. Monday was “D Day” and after many MANY tears, I figured the best way to cheer myself up was to eat!

  Anyone, who like me tries to solve their problems with food, will know that when the chips are down, they normally end up in your gob!

    On Monday I had a real sense of emptiness and so although I started the day well (fruit and yogurt)  at lunchtime I found myself eating fish and chips (that’s normally what happens when you decide to head to the chippy), then in the afternoon, there was ice cream (a tub of Ben and Jerrys) and then in the evening, my Dad took us out for dinner, so my starter was some sort of fried fish platter followed by a gourmet burger (for gourmet read as much stuff as it’s possible to get onto a burger in a cob, cheese, bacon, onion rings, bit more cheese) and then chocolate cake for pudding. This was all washed down with a vast quantity of red wine.

 I still went to bed feeling generally pretty shitty, although that could have been my not to wise food and drink choices.

  On Tuesday when I woke up, I still felt rubbish and getting on the scales was the equivalent of checking out pictures of your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend. You know it’s going to hurt, but the sadomasochist in you does it anyway!

  Sitting chatting to my sister Lucy later in the day, we launched into a full on bitch session, anyone and everyone who’d even remotely upset us got a pasting and so once again by mid-afternoon we were pretty miserable.

  As we sat there staring blankly into cups of tea, I reminded Lucy that as advocates of “The Secret” we were being pretty rubbish. All the horrible things we were saying, were just feeding other horrible negative situations and we needed to stop. Yes we’d had a really rubbish time, but it was time to get over it! The situation may have dominated our lives for the last 10 months, but it wasn't going to dominate our futures.

 So we decided to invent this……please meet the “Bitch Box”

Every time one of us says something negative or has a negative emotion, then 20p has to go into the box.

These are rules. 

  The last few months have given me an insight as to who my friends really are. The people you think will be there for you never are and say stuff like;

But then on the flipside, there’s the friends who turn up with a random bunch of flowers because it might cheer you up, or send you a text telling you that they’re thinking of you, or who bring round wine and say “lets drink wine till our heads spin” They’re the friends I’m really grateful for.

  After the introduction of the Bitch Box, which I think has about £1.80 in it, I do feel a bit better. I’ve given myself (yet another) good talking to and reminded myself that we all make mistakes in life and it’s how we learn from those mistakes that matter.

Getting to Know You

For my Slinky mission, as well as setting myself a weight loss goal, I also set myself a target of generally being more confident in myself.

  Whenever I say to anyone I have no confidence they look at me like I’m crazy. I’m someone who worked in radio for 12 years, during which time I presented a breakfast show, hosted events, did talks and lived by the motto “tits and teeth” No matter how bad I was feeling inside I would always manage to force a smile and do  what was asked of me professionally.

  The flip side of this, was that I was pretty much scared of my own shadow, I would never walk into a restaurant first to ask if they had a table, I’d avoid any social situations where I might get separated from people I felt safe around. If I were out and about on my own and I was lost or couldn’t find something in a shop, I wouldn’t ask for help, because that meant speaking to a stranger. Instead I would wander around lost, traipsing up and down supermarket aisles. I once got myself so lost in London,  I walked around for about two hours before I worked out where I was. As a result I always left far earlier than I needed to, to get to places just in case I got lost. This is a habit I’m yet to break, but I think it’s more to do with I hate tardiness. I think people being late is incredibly rude, it’s like saying “I don’t care enough about you to be on time”

  The reason for all of this wasn’t my weight as such, my weight gain started when I was stalked. Saying being stalked is an awful thing to happen to you sort of undersells it a bit. It strips away at your freedom, your life, your personality and then when it’s kicked the shit out of your life it makes a start on affecting the lives of those close to you.

A selection of the letters I received

  I was receiveing letters from my stalker for a year before I acted and when I did, even though back in the day, Stalking didn’t exist as a crime, Nottinghamshire police were brilliant and there are a few officers I can never repay for their help and care.

  Weirdly long after he’d been to prison for harassment and a life-long restraining order put in place and I’d moved half way around the world, moved house and swapped jobs. The fear and affect of what he did to me lingered on.

  I am a comfort eater and so stuffing my face was far easier than thinking about him. My stalker was and really is still a stranger so I think that’s why I spent years backing away from being in situations where I had to speak to people I didn’t know, because what if I said something that made them stalk me too?

  The eating continued and then after the deaths of my Mum, My Gran and two of my best friends all within 3 years of each other my eating was out of control.

  In October 2012, I took back control and in the last week I realised just how far I’ve come. My weight is coming off, slowly, we’ve had a few blips, but we are getting there and my confidence is getting better.

  Last week was my best friend’s wedding and she’d asked me to do a reading. I’ve hosted hundreds of things and never been nervous, but I think that’s because there’s a “work Katie” and an actual Katie. Actual Katie spent the weeks leading up to the wedding dreaming she’d forgotten to get dressed to do the reading, forgetting to take it with her and then that a friend had stolen it out of my handbag! The reality was I did it and then at the reception, I found I wasn’t sat next to my sister, but at a table full of people I’d never met before. The old Katie would have vomited in her handbag and not said a word to anyone just in case, but the new me had a marvellous time and met some very lovely people!

I also wanted to say a massive congratulations to my friend Stuart for being named Slimming World's Biggest Loser! He's a great bloke and a true inspiration!

"I Can Resist Anything But Temptation"

Oscar Wilde was on the right lines when he said, “I can resist anything but temptation”, but I think he forgot a couple of things. I’m going to let him off though because I don’t think these two particular things were around in Ireland in the 1890’s, or maybe they were and they were what he was actually referring to!

  Being on my Slinky mission has been as much about losing weight and getting fit and healthy, as it has been about my state of mind. Two years ago I was a mess, I could barely drag myself out of bed to face the day. I developed a water tight routine of staying in bed as long as possible before getting in the shower, sort of drying my hair and then putting on something in black to hide my ever expanding waistline and bottom.

   I hated my life, I hated my job, I hated me, and I hated what life appeared to have done to me! I genuinely believe that losing weight starts in your head. I comfort ate because I had a belief that stuffing my face would make me feel better, it filled (albeit temporarily the vast emptiness in my stomach) I think I thought that feeling full physically would make me emotionally full and its taken me ages to realise that’s not the case. Don’t get me wrong, occasionally I have a wobble and mistake the two things, but I figure it’s a step at a time and my journey is mainly forwards, with the occasional slow shoe shuffle backwards and the odd standing still running man!

 I always thought I was a chocoholic, however I have discovered this isn’t the case! My fridge has chocolate in it, I can’t live in a world where I’m not allowed to eat it, why would I want to? So my chocolate bars of choice are; bars I buy from weight watchers meetings (2 points each) and the occasional curly wurly (3 points each) I love a curly wurly, always have, always will! I have found that these bars of chocolate can stay in my fridge for weeks and I have one as a treat, all within my points. There’s no part of me that wants to eat them all in one go, I can open and close my fridge a million times a day without reaching for a chocolate bar! This led me to the conclusion I am not a chocoholic (yay me)

  It also led me to the conclusion that I could buy a packet of my favourite biscuits, put them in my biscuit jar and they too would sit there for many weeks and I would occasionally dunk one in a well earned brew.

  My plan was flawless, my favourite EVER biscuits are Oreos and they are 1 point each on Weight Watchers AND they were on offer for 99p! I purchased my biscuits, took them home and settled down to 2 biscuits and a brew and that’s where the problem started. As I sat catching up on episodes of “Revenge”, all I could think about was those little black and white pieces of heaven nestling in amongst the rich tea in my biscuit jar. As Emily plotted to bring down Victoria and the Grayson’s, I plotted to go back into the kitchen to get another biscuit. I checked my app, I had the points…..it was OK. So off to the kitchen I went, made a fresh brew and got 2 more biscuits.

  Later that day I was making a seafood lasagne for tea, following the Weight Watchers recipe and everything and as I chopped onions and listened to the Stags beating Fleetwood, my eyes wandered to the biscuits and before you could say, “let’s have a bit of Mansfield magic” an Oreo had found its way into my mouth!

  It was then I realised that buying these biscuits had really not been a good idea! Many months ago I established that I have a Nutella addiction. I didn't have to go to a meeting or anything, but as I realised I was staging a recreation of my famous Gingerbread man photo from 1976, I realised I needed to step away from that jar of hazelnut goodness.

 It started off innocently enough,  delicately spreading it on a piece of toast, but before I knew it  I was eating the Nutella out the jar with a spoon.  (classy!) I now wont even let myself go near it in Supermarkets, although occasionally I stage a Marmite smash and grab, where I run down the aisle with my trolley, grab a jar of Marmite and then run off again! (I pay it for it I might add)

  I have now banned myself from buying Oreos too, because unlike Mr Wilde, I can resist anything but Nutella and Oreos!

  Despite this, Lucy and I have decided it’s time for a change and because of work commitments have swapped Weight Watcher’s groups and it appears to have been just the kick we needed, because it was like starting again! Lucy lost a pound and me a pound and a half. I’m exercising more and even experimenting with new recipes that don't involve Nutella and Oreos *drifts off for a second whilst I daydream about a recipe that incorporates both*