"She's Got a Right Bob on Her Sen" (Nottinghamshire speak for "Doesn't she think she's amazing?")

I got asked yesterday if I was a life coach, because every day I start the day by posting something positive on Facebook. In fact this isn’t the first time I’ve been asked that question and my reason for doing it is simple. Reading a book called “The Secret” really helped me reassess how I was living and whilst some people might think its claptrap, I can guarantee that these are the people that post Facebook statuses such as

You know the sort of statuses that elicit the responses

“The Secret” says what you think about you bring about, so if you think positively, positive stuff will happen because that’s the frame of mind you’re in. Think rubbish horrible thoughts and rubbish horrible things will happen. Read Rhonda Byrne’s book, she puts it far better than me!

  My secret is, that I work at being positive, having suffered from depression and tried to solve that problem by eating, which just made me fat, looking on the bright side doesn’t come easily, but I make it a priority. 

   Just recently, life has been tough, I’ve had a lot of things to deal with and last Thursday I could have cheerfully drowned myself in a vat of Maltesers, but I didn’t. Mainly because my sister Lucy talked me of the Cadbury’s ledge and she was right, I felt so much better for NOT eating the chocolate.

  I’ve struggled to get myself out of bed and paint a smile on the last week or so, but I have. Yesterday, the last thing I felt like doing was picking up my sparkly top hat, cane, fan and feather boa and heading to my Burlesque exercise class, but I did and I’m so glad I did. After an hour of gyrating my hips to such classics as “So Macho” and “Walk this Way” (don’t knock burlesque to an Aerosmith classic till you’ve tried it) I felt better than I had done in days.

  Now love a cheesy tune and a hip wiggle as much as the next woman, but the thing I really love about the class, is that it’s all about feeling good. There are ladies there of all ages and all sizes, but as Beyoncé belted out

 I looked at the faces of the women in the room and I knew that just as I was strutting round my red velour chair flicking my hair about pretending I was Beyoncé, I noticed every other woman in the room was feeling the same. Throughout that one song we all felt good about ourselves, our inner Beyoncé’s had found a voice and were singing loudly.

  You ask most women what she likes about herself and she’ll umm and ahhh. Ask her what she doesn’t like and you’ll be there for hours. Anyone that does say they quite like something about themselves is deemed to be “up their own arse” or if you’re from Nottinghamshire “got a right bob on her sen” and then society attempts to tear down that self confidence until she (or indeed he) feels as rubbish about themselves as the rest of them.

  So I decided to do myself a favour (and maybe you feel like doing the same) but for next week’s blog I’m going to make a list of all the things I actually like about myself and also keep a note of any compliments I receive. If you want to join in then simply comment below or like my Facebook page and send me a message!

And finally, another pound off this week! Slowly, but surely!

"Have You Heard the One About?"

If you read my blog regularly, then you’ll know that I am a huge believer in a book called “The Secret” The basic premise is “what you think about you bring about”, so if you transmit good, happy positive thoughts, then you will attract happy, good, positive situations. Over the last week, I must have been emitting “give me free chocolate vibes” 

   Since I was hypnotised 6 weeks ago into thinking that chocolate smells like dirty toilets, I haven’t touched it, however I’m clearly giving out a chocolaty vibe. Last week, a girl in Subway was insistent on trying to give me a free cookie (I refused) Last night at Weight Watchers, a fellow member had baked a carrot cake and offered it around the meeting (I refused) and then today I had to go to a breakfast meeting and the sponsor had decided to treat everyone there to this!

Mine is still sat in my handbag! Still all my chocolate refusal has paid off as I’ve managed to lose another pound this week – slowly, but surely it’s going!

I’m not moaning about people wanting to give me free stuff (although maybe I should alter my thoughts to those of a financial nature, free money never made anyone fat!) Last Friday night, my friend Laura treated us to a night out at a comedy club. I was driving as Lucy and I have decided to try and give up alcohol for Lent (9 days and going strong) however I entered a competition to win a bottle of “champagne” and lo and behold I won. The “champagne” which was more fizzy apple juice arrived at our table, open, although we didn't crack and have any!

  Although it’s always great to meet up with my besties for a night out, the comedy was decidedly sub-standard. Over the years I’ve seen some awesome comedians, including a guy called Trevor Noah, who is now one of my new favourites. If you’ve never heard of him, I highly recommend checking him out. He’s funny and gorgeous!

The hostess of the night, thought being funny involved saying the word “fanny” a lot, the first comedian was so nervous, I wanted to hold his hand throughout the act just to make him feel better and the second was like a really drunk Shaggy from “Scooby Doo’,  but really funny in a “please don’t hurt me” type of way.

 As the third comedian was getting ready to come on, I saw him approach a table of students and ask them to move to the empty table at the front as and said “the empty table would ruin the flow of his act and ruin his vibe” Having worked with people who regularly uttered things like “the chair in this studio is ruining my creativity” and “I can’t possibly work in this studio until the carpet is sorted” (What can I say for some people it’s all about the soft furnishings) I immediately recognised this guy as, what’s known in the trade as a “prize tosser”

 I wasn’t wrong! It turns out his act mainly consisted of hoping people were so drunk that they

a)     Didn’t notice he had no material

b)     Wouldn’t mind his insults

Sadly neither a or b applied to us or as it would appear, most of the people in the audience. There was a 40^th birthday party in, who I think would haver laughed had I put my dog Cyril on the stage and let him bark for 15 minutes.

  Sitting not too far from the front, I pretty much expected to be picked on, but when the world’s unfunniest comedian wandered into casual racism territory, it was a bit too much for me. I ended up telling him I was Russian, to which he replied “You’ve not rushed anywhere for a while love”, looking proud of himself he hadn’t expected a response, so when I said VERY loudly…

He actually looked surprised, alright, it's not an Oscar Wilde style retort, but the shock of a fatty fighting back, was enough to shock him. He then decided to move onto Lucy…a blonde joke never goes amiss right? So out came the “you’re blonde so you must be thick" lines. Again sadly for him, he’d never encountered someone like Lucy, (think the Bride from “Kill Bill” and you're in the ball park) I would have felt sorry for him, but he started it. Lucy has inherited my Mum's killer stare, which has withered far greater beings than an unfunny comedian from Essex.

  Having come up against the wrath of the really not bothered fatty and the not so dumb blonde, he then tried an Operation Yew Tree joke on a gentleman in the audience. The very sophisticated grey haired man, simply walked off to get a pint or maybe poke himself in the eye which might have been more entertaining, I’m not sure what he chose. 

Eventually he tried to finish his act with a song, which he wanted everyone to stand up for and sing along to. It was a cheap gag, but as the audience we took it and stayed seated. In fairness I could have done with a few extra activity points, but I decided I'd rather not earn them, than stand for him!

An Escaped Beagle, a Damp Patch and a Biscuit Tin!

Yesterday I had one of those days where it felt like I was going to get my ass kicked. Everything was just really frustrating, every time I sat down to do something, something went wrong, computers crashed, websites wouldn’t load, Cyril decided to leg it out the gates and introduce himself to next door, but one. If someone had filmed that it would probably have been quite funny to watch back! Being a hound dog, Cyril picked up some kind of interesting scent and off he went, I realising what was happening went legging it after him, frantically screaming for Lucy to help. In hindsight I should have acted calmly and Cyril would have come back to me. As it was, my reaction made him think it was a game, so off he went next door but one and started playing with a golden retriever. In fact the “game” only game to an end when the next door but one neighbour flung himself on the floor and on top of Cyril! Cyril has now been grounded.

  Just as I got back to the office I got a phone call from the estate agent to say she’d shown someone round my "for sale flat" and it looked as though upstairs had got a leak and my walls were covered in damp, so again it was a case of stopping what I was doing and heading over there to sort out yet another problem!

  I think yesterday it was safe to say that by 1pm I was very much in a foul mood and when things get tough for me, my make myself feel better strategy is to stuff my face! By 1pm, the biscuit tin in our office had never looked more appealing and all I wanted was a massive cup of tea and to dunk biscuits until the tin was empty!

  Then as I was messing around on the Internet, I found this quote. 

It struck a cord, I thought all I’m doing by being in a bad mood is attracting more and more negative stuff to happen to me and actually emptying the contents of the biscuit tin wont make me feel better, all it will do is make me mad at myself next week when I get on the scales.

  So I decided to stop what I was doing and take Cyril for a walk at one of my favourite places. We went off to Newstead Abbey, which I think is one of the most beautiful places in Nottinghamshire. As I looked at the water glinting off the lake I was dragged out of my funk by an American couple who wanted to know where the gardens were because they wanted to see “traditional English roses”, I resisted the temptation to say they were talking to one and pointed them in the right direction. They then thought I was some sort of tour guide because they started asking me loads of questions about Lord Byron and whether monks still lived there. I actually shocked myself with my knowledge of Byron, but sensed their disappointment at the fact they weren't going to see any monks.  In fact I think I was one step away from raising my umbrella in the air and insisting they followed me whilst I pointed out various places of interest. I left them to explore and Cyril and I continued about our business and after my conversation with them and seeing Cyril legging it about really happily my bad mood seemed to have lifted.

 When I got back to the office I’d received e-mails from potential clients and confirmation of more work, which again added to my happy mood. That night I stuck to the promise I’d made to myself to go the gym and as I peddled away and lifted weights it felt like even my iPod wanted to play ball and every song that came up on shuffle was a winner! I had to stop myself singing this out loud. I love a bit of Taylor Swift, particularly when she’s in shouting at boys’ mode!

  By the end of what could have been a rubbish day, I’d earned 8 bonus points and the contents of my biscuit tin were still in tack!

  I am a massive believer in the saying “what you think about you bring about” so for me I stopped thinking about was wrong with the day and focused on what was right!

Oh and PS - my upstairs neighbour phoned me back about the damp and he's really hot and the problem is being sorted!

Want to Know a Secret?

Last week I allowed someone I dislike very much to have a negative affect on me. A friend of mine told me a few things that had been said about me by a former friend and whether I was just feeling a bit more sensitive than normal, it really got to me. So much so that my poor sister was subjected to me crying and ranting. Lucy is very good at letting me get it out of my system before trying to reason with me.

  After I’d had my rant, I was mad at myself, in the last 12 months I’ve worked really hard at leaving all the negative aspects of my life behind. I realised that one person who has bad teeth and an even worse attitude, is really of very little significance to me. I’m responsible for what happens to me and only I can make changes. I think this realisation was the first step in me being able to lose weight, I’d spent so long letting myself feel like a victim, that I really had stopped caring about myself or what happened to me. I think there are two kinds of people in life those that allow themselves to be a victim and spend their whole lives living that way and blaming all the bad stuff that happens to them on that or those that think well that was a lot of horrible stuff that happened, now it’s time to learn from it and move on! I’m the latter, being stalked definitely had a major affect on me and I remember my counsellor saying to me sometimes things randomly happen, sounds flippant, but she didn’t mean it that way, fate says “it’s you”, sometimes it’s a good thing that happens like winning the lottery and others it’s a bad thing.

  Just before Christmas last year, Lucy introduced me to a book called “The Secret”, I’m not really one for self-help books, but Lucy started raving about it, so I thought why not? The basic premise of it is “what you think about you bring about”, in it’s simplest sense, how many times have you thought, “I’ve not seen Bob (or insert name of your choice here) for ages”, then you’ve nipped down to Sainsbury’s and there’s Bob.

 I was intrigued by the premise that I could “order” things from the Universe by thinking positively and visualising myself doing / having these things. Now don’t get me wrong, Matt Goss still hasn’t turned up on my doorstep in a tuxedo, holding a bunch of yellow roses and a Cartier engagement ring, but I feel like I’ve changed my attitude and generally view things more positively. If I get stuck in a traffic jam, I just think “oh well” and use it as an excuse to sing tunelessly along to my favourite songs, I also visualise the traffic jam dispersing and me motoring happily along!

  Reaching my goal weight is my main focus and although I’ve reached a bit of a plateau over the last couple of weeks, I carry in my head a vision of the dress I’m going to buy when I reach my goal weight. For those of you who know me really well, I’ve also picked out the shoes and bag to go with it! My Pinterest board is also full of looks I want to recreate (I’m hoping those clothes are still in fashion by the time I reach goal)

  “The Secret” has also helped me realise that if first thing in the morning I stub my toe, then the dog jumps up and knocks over my breakfast, then that’s not my day ruined, it’s just a blip!

 I also keep a grateful journal and try to write in 5 things everyday that I’m grateful for, most of the time it seems to be the fact that Cyril hasn’t destroyed something, but hey, where that dog is concerned I’m grateful for anything that involves me not legging it around the garden whilst he attempts to bury my remote control in a flowerbed.

 So last week as I calmed myself down, I listened to “The Secret”, I like the audio version because it’s full of really excitable Americans, and I like excitable Americans. I also have a file full of pictures of things I want, I flicked through that and imagined me laying on a tropical beach somewhere in a size 10 bikini, whilst a hot man served me cocktails, somehow that made me feel better.