Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

Earlier today, I asked my sister if she had to compare me to a Disney character, which one would I be? She replied without hesitation “you’d be Anna from “Frozen”, because you always want to build a bloody snowman!”

  The question came about, because I’d been reading by friend Ali’s blog “The Ali Sandwiches” and she’d been speaking how her inner Snow White constantly battles with her inner Dobby the House Elf and how she fights between letting one rule the other and it set me thinking…....

95% of the time my inner Anna wins every single time, I’m the first one who wants to pull on her boots, winter coat and gloves and head outside to build a snowman (if it’s snowing obviously) I’m up for trying anything once – see my previous blogs on pole dancing and burlesque (which I still do!)

  But over the last few weeks, my inner Cinderella has silenced my inner Anna… Trinderella if you will. I don’t mean the one who gets to get all dressed up, go to a party and meet a fit prince. I mean the one who thinks she’s only good enough to stay at home and do the chores. It’s not even the Cinderella who manages to convince various woodland creatures that making her a frock is a good idea.

 The last few weeks have been really tough and I’ve really struggled with my emotions for many reasons. I’ve felt like I’ve had to fight to prove my worth in just about every situation, whether it’s been what I’m being paid, to actually getting people to acknowledge my very existence. I think I understand how twins must feel, when they get dismissed as one person, just recently I’ve found myself answering to my sister’s name…even in e-mails!!! And being lumped into the X Factor category of “The Girls”, which is sort of flattering, but I’ll be 40 next year and Simon Cowell is nowhere to be seen!

  I apparently also have magical powers to fix everyone’s problems, my favourite was an acquaintance asking me to locate her an antique Welsh dresser! Why I would know where to find one of those is beyond me!

  I think I let all these things grind me down and Anna was sent to her room, to dream of building snowmen, whilst Trinderella scrubbed floors and tried to make sure everyone else had a lovely life. My diet has been unimportant, there's been a pound lost here, half a pound gained here, it hasn't really mattered.

  Hanging out with my God-daughter Eve at the weekend, helped put things into perspective. Eve is 3 years old, but she likes to whisper loudly in secret to Lucy that she’s the one who looks after me! She’s 3; she knows the difference between Aunty Katie and Aunty Lucy! Eve arrives, budges Cyril up so she can sit on my knee, declares that Cyril is one of her dogs and then decides we should eat pink cake and play on the park. Sounds like a plan to me!

  Seeing Eve and her brother Nate, running around like lunatics and enjoying everything made me happy. Before I knew it, we were planning a trip to go trampolining, cinema and a craft afternoon, where I think I promised Eve, there’d be painting. 

  My inner Anna was back; life is about adventures and trying things and not having to prove anything to anybody. If someone tries to put you down by using then wrong name, then screw them. Maybe it’s not disrespectful to be referred to as “the Girls”. Me and my sister are an unbreakable force, (think Ant and Dec, but without the millions and a love of golf) some people never get that type of friendship in their life. And I can’t solve everyone’s problems and truth be told, I don’t even know what a Welsh dresser is, let alone where to find one and I’m OK with that!

  I always tease Eve that I’m her Fairy Godmother, but truth is, I think she’s mine!

This Time Next Year.....

I’ve really upped my efforts this week and have tried to be good, whilst extending my culinary skills. I think it’s fair to say that my 2-½ pounds weight loss this week was more successful than the meringues I tried to make (low fat ones I might add). After 2 attempts and a gooey mess that looked like vomit, I’ve decided that shop bought is probably the way to go for me! However I did have success with some lemon chilli chicken and a chorizo pasta dish.

It's meant to be a meringue! Clearly not a successful one!

  I feel like I’ve got my focus back, I’ve unpacked a lot of stuff in my new house now, my dining table is up (thanks Dad) and apart from the occasional row with Pudding (my cat) about the fact he can’t go out yet till he knows where he lives, life is finally settling down a bit.

Pudding

  In our meeting this week, one member got a certificate for losing a total of 50 pounds, I respond well to treats, so I like the idea of getting key rings and certificates along the way. This lady is a pound off her goal weight and looks fantastic. She was saying why she wanted to lose weight and it came down to the fact that her joints had started to hurt and she’d just become a Grandma for the first time and in her words she didn’t want to be a “fat nana”.

  I think there’s always some trigger that kicks you into weight loss action. I can remember for one friend of mine it was that she got stuck in a bath in a hotel room and was so embarrassed by it she promptly joined weight watchers on her return. For others it’s not being able to fit in their clothes or a health scare. For me I think I’d had enough of feeling rubbish about myself and allowing others to make me feel bad. For me it was a gradual licking of wounds and starting to deal with my issues, which meant I could then start a diet and stick to it. There’d been many failed attempts along the way – a cottage cheese and meat eating plan and a distaerous boot camp!

  I used to think that once I’d lost all my weight my life would suddenly become perfect, I’d meet the man of my dreams (Matt Goss, Jon Bon Jovi, Idris Elba) I’d be happier at work and I’d receive a huge windfall and a holiday home in Hawaii. I used to blame the fact I was fat for everything not being perfect. Turns out that was an excuse, a way to stop me putting what was really wrong right. I can’t change some of the stuff that has happened to me, but I can face it and acknowledge that sometimes horrible stuff happens and you have to deal with it and move on. I’m not saying I’m over the death of my Mum and my friends Matt and Lawrie, because the truth is I will never get over them, but I can celebrate what they were to me and the love we had along with the amazing times we shared and what they taught me. I refuse to let my stalker take up any more of my time and after some pretty intense counselling sessions I can live with what happened.

Me, Mum & Lucy

Me, Lucy & Matt

  There’s some stuff I’ve been able to change myself, my last job made me thoroughly miserable and I put up with some situations I really shouldn’t have. Making the decision to leave and set up a business with my sister was tough and my Dad was great in saying “nothing that makes you cry every single day is worth this” I love seeing the business grow and it challenges me everyday. I remember telling some of my old colleagues what I was planning and one of them said “when you f**k it up, I’ll look for you in the dole queue” I know we’re not a multi-million pound corporation (yet) but his comments just made me more determined to succeed just so I can raise 2 fingers to him as I drive by in my Aston Martin on my way to the airport to board my private jet to fly off to my holiday home in Hawaii.

  It’s all these changes that have made me happier and as a result I think that’s triggered my weight loss, it’s not an easy journey to reach my slinky goal, but I’m getting there and I’m happier and as lovely as a date with Matt Goss, Jon Bon Jovi, Idris Elba would be, that’s pretty much all I’m looking for at the moment.

  What I’m trying to say is that don’t waste time thinking that when you’re slim, you’re life will be perfect, because it probably wont be. Put right what’s wrong now and let the rest fall into place in it's own time.

DISCLAIMER: Should Matt Goss, Jon Bon Jovi or Idris Elba want to take me on a date I am fully available!

Let's get Ready to Rumble

Over the last few months, I’ve been writing about my battle to lose weight, I’ve hopefully given you an honest account of what led to me putting the weight on (yes eating lots of food) but the reasons for that, which were a bit more complex than just a love of a bar of fruit and nut!

   I think it’s really easy to dismiss a fat person as lazy, greedy and I’d add to that stupid. I’ve had numerous occasions where people have felt the need to speak slowly or patronise me. My sister Lucy is also doing weight watchers and is about 10 pounds from her goal weight now. By the time she reaches it, she’ll have lost just over 3 stones. Lucy looks amazing (I personally have always thought she has) but she was unhappy with the weight she put on after our Mum died and after another horrible situation she was forced to go through and so she wanted to do something about it. Lucy’s weight loss is now really noticeable and people are commenting on how fantastic she looks. The other day we were both sat chatting to a lady Lucy knew, she was asking Lucy about the diet and how great she’d been doing and how much she had lost etc. I saw her glance at me and I had a Derren Brown moment, where I knew she was thinking one of two things:

1)     Why don’t you go to weight watchers with her? or

2)     Are you on the diet too and if I ask you and you’re not that will be embarrassing.

Eventually this lady bit the bullet and asked me if I went with Lucy, I replied that I did and so far I’d lost over 2 stones. She looked a little bit relieved.

  Obviously I have a long way to go with my mission to be slinky and it’s been nice that the people who read this blog have been very supportive as opposed to the many years where I’d been referred to as “fat Katie”(some people probably do still call me that, but it’s not to my face any longer or written down at work, so that’s a bonus!)

  I think some people don’t think Lucy’s slinky mission has been as valid, as I mentioned before Lucy has always looked fantastic and I’d have been delighted to be her starting weight. Lucy’s now at a stage where people are saying stuff like “don’t you lose anymore weight, you’ll fade away” some of her friends are turning up with cakes when they visit or making comments that she’s now too skinny.

  Another friend of mine, Sam has a very different weight issue, he’s started a blog about his battle to put weight on! He’s taken advice on how he can do this. It’s weird isn’t it because I know some of you will have read that and thought “oh I wish I had that problem”, but why is his battle any less valid than someone who wants to lose weight? A weight issue is surely an issue, particularly if it’s affecting your life.  I’ve included a link to Sam’s blog so you can read what he’s up too http://bit.ly/15hQ1Hv

  Losing or indeed gaining weight, I believe starts with getting your head straight, food is just another way of avoiding a problem and as lovely as a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food is it wont solve world peace (well maybe not, I’m not sure it’s ever been tried)