"I Look Like a Pregnant Andy Pandy"

There’s an episode of “Sex and the City”, where Carrie proclaims she doesn’t like Internet shopping, because shopping is her cardio. Now don’t get me wrong, I too love shopping, but the type of shopping I enjoy these days is wandering around gift shops buying stuff for my house that I don’t really need.

Everyone needs a candle holder that lights up to show their name right?

  As I lose weight, I’m starting to like clothes shopping a bit more too, particularly as communal dressing rooms seem to have been banished. Did anyone actually like getting changed in them? I reckon even Victoria’s Secret Model’s who are a rare breed of woman, would have crinkled their perfectly formed noses and squiged themselves into the corner of the room so no one could look at them.

I have a love / hate relationship with trying clothes on, and the main reason is the assistants who stand as guardians of the door. I’m sure it’s in my head, but as a curvaceous beauty when I try something on, even if it fits perfectly, but I don’t like it as I hand it back, I feel as though she’s saying “I could have told you that size would never have fit YOU fatty bum-bum” I’m sure she isn’t, she’d probably thinking “bugger, now I’ve got to walk across the shop and put it back”

  There are two stock phrases I utter as I hand back clothes.

1. “I don’t like it”
2. “I’ll leave it thanks” (thrusting the item at the assistant and offering no further explanation)

I never tell them it doesn’t fit; it’s not their business, even if I think they’ve probably heard me wailing in the changing room and can see I now resemble a member of KISS.

  I have a number of “do’s” coming up; the UK Blog Awards (have I mentioned recently that Slinky By Tuesday” is up for an award? We are, thank you) and my friend’s wedding in May. (No I haven’t left it till the last minute I have plenty of time to sort an outfit, hat, shoes and bag!)

  I decided to order myself a navy blue jumpsuit, because I had an idea that it would be sophisticated and elegant.

I prefer online shopping for items I have no idea whether they’ll fit me or not, it saves embarrassment. So getting my jumpsuit and in my head the perfect wedding outfit home, I tried it on. It fit! I could zip it up, which is always a bonus. Heading to the mirror, I was horrified to see that rather than a sophisticated elegant wedding guest, I looked like a pregnant Andy Pandy! (minus the hat)

  The outfit may have zipped over my bootylicious booty, but it stretched over my tummy like I was a celebrity in “OK” magazine doing the obligatory “I’m 3 months pregnant, so will cuddle my partner and smile smugly pose” Taking it off and shoving it back in the bag, I put on my pyjamas because they have an elasticated waist!

 However this tale of woe has a happy ending. The very next day, a pair of skinny jeans I had ordered arrived, I very nearly just left them in the bag and sent them back without trying them on, but I didn’t! These jeans are a size less than I have been wearing and fit perfectly! I’ve also found dresses for the awards and my friends wedding both a size less than normal and both fit perfectly!