Whenever I say to anyone I have no confidence
they look at me like I’m crazy. I’m someone who worked in radio for 12 years,
during which time I presented a breakfast show, hosted events, did talks and lived
by the motto “tits and teeth” No matter how bad I was feeling inside I would
always manage to force a smile and do what was asked of me professionally.
The flip side of this, was that I was pretty
much scared of my own shadow, I would never walk into a restaurant first to ask
if they had a table, I’d avoid any social situations where I might get
separated from people I felt safe around. If I were out and about on my own and
I was lost or couldn’t find something in a shop, I wouldn’t ask for help,
because that meant speaking to a stranger. Instead I would wander around lost, traipsing up and down supermarket aisles. I once got myself so lost in London, I walked around for about two hours before I worked out where I was. As
a result I always left far earlier than I needed to, to get to places just in
case I got lost. This is a habit I’m yet to break, but I think it’s more to do
with I hate tardiness. I think people being late is incredibly rude, it’s like
saying “I don’t care enough about you to be on time”
The reason for all of this wasn’t my weight
as such, my weight gain started when I was stalked. Saying being stalked is an
awful thing to happen to you sort of undersells it a bit. It strips away at
your freedom, your life, your personality and then when it’s kicked the shit
out of your life it makes a start on affecting the lives of those close to you.
 |
| A selection of the letters I received |
I was receiveing letters from my stalker for
a year before I acted and when I did, even though back in the day, Stalking
didn’t exist as a crime, Nottinghamshire police were brilliant and there are a
few officers I can never repay for their help and care.
Weirdly long after he’d been to prison for
harassment and a life-long restraining order put in place and I’d moved half
way around the world, moved house and swapped jobs. The fear and affect of what
he did to me lingered on.
I am a comfort eater and so stuffing my face
was far easier than thinking about him. My stalker was and really is still a
stranger so I think that’s why I spent years backing away from being in
situations where I had to speak to people I didn’t know, because what if I said
something that made them stalk me too?
The eating continued and then after the
deaths of my Mum, My Gran and two of my best friends all within 3 years of each
other my eating was out of control.
In October 2012, I took back control and in
the last week I realised just how far I’ve come. My weight is coming off,
slowly, we’ve had a few blips, but we are getting there and my confidence is
getting better.
Last week was my best friend’s wedding and
she’d asked me to do a reading. I’ve hosted hundreds of things and never been nervous,
but I think that’s because there’s a “work Katie” and an actual Katie. Actual
Katie spent the weeks leading up to the wedding dreaming she’d forgotten to get
dressed to do the reading, forgetting to take it with her and then that a
friend had stolen it out of my handbag! The reality was I did it and then at
the reception, I found I wasn’t sat next to my sister, but at a table full of people
I’d never met before. The old Katie would have vomited in her handbag and not
said a word to anyone just in case, but the new me had a marvellous time and
met some very lovely people!
I also wanted to say a massive congratulations to my friend Stuart for being named Slimming World's Biggest Loser! He's a great bloke and a true inspiration!
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