"She's Got a Right Bob on Her Sen" (Nottinghamshire speak for "Doesn't she think she's amazing?")

I got asked yesterday if I was a life coach, because every day I start the day by posting something positive on Facebook. In fact this isn’t the first time I’ve been asked that question and my reason for doing it is simple. Reading a book called “The Secret” really helped me reassess how I was living and whilst some people might think its claptrap, I can guarantee that these are the people that post Facebook statuses such as

You know the sort of statuses that elicit the responses

“The Secret” says what you think about you bring about, so if you think positively, positive stuff will happen because that’s the frame of mind you’re in. Think rubbish horrible thoughts and rubbish horrible things will happen. Read Rhonda Byrne’s book, she puts it far better than me!

  My secret is, that I work at being positive, having suffered from depression and tried to solve that problem by eating, which just made me fat, looking on the bright side doesn’t come easily, but I make it a priority. 

   Just recently, life has been tough, I’ve had a lot of things to deal with and last Thursday I could have cheerfully drowned myself in a vat of Maltesers, but I didn’t. Mainly because my sister Lucy talked me of the Cadbury’s ledge and she was right, I felt so much better for NOT eating the chocolate.

  I’ve struggled to get myself out of bed and paint a smile on the last week or so, but I have. Yesterday, the last thing I felt like doing was picking up my sparkly top hat, cane, fan and feather boa and heading to my Burlesque exercise class, but I did and I’m so glad I did. After an hour of gyrating my hips to such classics as “So Macho” and “Walk this Way” (don’t knock burlesque to an Aerosmith classic till you’ve tried it) I felt better than I had done in days.

  Now love a cheesy tune and a hip wiggle as much as the next woman, but the thing I really love about the class, is that it’s all about feeling good. There are ladies there of all ages and all sizes, but as Beyoncé belted out

 I looked at the faces of the women in the room and I knew that just as I was strutting round my red velour chair flicking my hair about pretending I was Beyoncé, I noticed every other woman in the room was feeling the same. Throughout that one song we all felt good about ourselves, our inner Beyoncé’s had found a voice and were singing loudly.

  You ask most women what she likes about herself and she’ll umm and ahhh. Ask her what she doesn’t like and you’ll be there for hours. Anyone that does say they quite like something about themselves is deemed to be “up their own arse” or if you’re from Nottinghamshire “got a right bob on her sen” and then society attempts to tear down that self confidence until she (or indeed he) feels as rubbish about themselves as the rest of them.

  So I decided to do myself a favour (and maybe you feel like doing the same) but for next week’s blog I’m going to make a list of all the things I actually like about myself and also keep a note of any compliments I receive. If you want to join in then simply comment below or like my Facebook page and send me a message!

And finally, another pound off this week! Slowly, but surely!

Lovely Las Vegas

It’s been quite a few weeks; everything has been really busy, in some ways that’s been good and in others not so good. Either way my diet has suffered and I found myself slipping into old habits. In the run up to my holiday, unlike normal people who panic diet so they look great on holiday, something in my head thought “screw it, I’m still fat, I’ll still be fat on holiday, so I’ll worry about it when I get back!

  I went on holiday to Las Vegas, which is an amazing place and as it turns out, a place where actually anything does go. If you want to drink beer and gamble at 8 in the morning, you can drink beer and gamble at 8 in the morning and no one will judge you. If you want to dress like a female member of Kiss and stand in the street with your boobs out, apparently that is also acceptable. I’m not 100% sure I would get away with either of those things in Mansfield.

Grand Canyon selfie

  Las Vegas is very much a place of excess, which is actually no good if you’re on a diet and easily led. I am both of those things, so despite my best intentions, the first morning I ordered fruit and yogart for breakfast (yay me) the second the gloves were off and out came the pancakes and then the next morning the waffles and so on! I could offer an excuse as to why, but the truth is I like pancakes and I like waffles and I never eat them at home! 

  If you’ve read the Slinky blog before you’ll know that a few months ago I was hypnotised into believing that sugar tasted like poo and smelled like dirty toilets, which worked and I didn’t touch anything sweet for ages, even sitting in meetings with cakes right in front of me and going out for afternoon tea, where I only ate sandwiches and genuinely wasn’t tempted by the cakes, but in Vegas all bets were off and my sugar addiction came back in force.

  Pancakes and waffles for breakfast, chocolate puddings, ice cream, these really lovely little petit fours served in one of the best restaurants I’ve ever been in (Picasso in the Bellagio hotel) and then I even started eating the little hotel chocolates they leave on your pillow and they are always really horrible chocolate!

Chocolate pudding

Petit Fours from the Picasso restaurant

  So now I’ve been back a couple of weeks and by the time I set foot on English soil, despite having one of the best holidays ever and loving every square inch of Vegas, I felt so bloated and horrible, that I knew it was time to reignite the Slinky diva in me. Out came my DNA fitplan and for the first time ever I made a shopping list as opposed to wandering aimlessly round the supermarket looking for stuff I might like.

   Sugar has once again been knocked on the head and if I do get a craving I’ve started tapping. (Tapping is where you tap different pressure points on your body and it helps break the craving, it also works for my panic attacks) I’ve also reduced the carbs I eat, because according to my DNA I do not respond well to them, but I’ve decided if I want I can have carbs once a week.

  For my first weigh in, which was Tuesday, I’d lost a pound, not a huge amount, but at least it’s starting to come off again and I feel so much better and although there have been a few sugar cravings. Someone posted a picture of a Nutella cheesecake on Facebook the other day and I found myself trying to come up with legitimate reasons I could make one, but I soon snapped myself out of it. The carbs I haven’t really missed at all. Hopefully next week a few more pounds will have disappeared!

"Have You Heard the One About?"

If you read my blog regularly, then you’ll know that I am a huge believer in a book called “The Secret” The basic premise is “what you think about you bring about”, so if you transmit good, happy positive thoughts, then you will attract happy, good, positive situations. Over the last week, I must have been emitting “give me free chocolate vibes” 

   Since I was hypnotised 6 weeks ago into thinking that chocolate smells like dirty toilets, I haven’t touched it, however I’m clearly giving out a chocolaty vibe. Last week, a girl in Subway was insistent on trying to give me a free cookie (I refused) Last night at Weight Watchers, a fellow member had baked a carrot cake and offered it around the meeting (I refused) and then today I had to go to a breakfast meeting and the sponsor had decided to treat everyone there to this!

Mine is still sat in my handbag! Still all my chocolate refusal has paid off as I’ve managed to lose another pound this week – slowly, but surely it’s going!

I’m not moaning about people wanting to give me free stuff (although maybe I should alter my thoughts to those of a financial nature, free money never made anyone fat!) Last Friday night, my friend Laura treated us to a night out at a comedy club. I was driving as Lucy and I have decided to try and give up alcohol for Lent (9 days and going strong) however I entered a competition to win a bottle of “champagne” and lo and behold I won. The “champagne” which was more fizzy apple juice arrived at our table, open, although we didn't crack and have any!

  Although it’s always great to meet up with my besties for a night out, the comedy was decidedly sub-standard. Over the years I’ve seen some awesome comedians, including a guy called Trevor Noah, who is now one of my new favourites. If you’ve never heard of him, I highly recommend checking him out. He’s funny and gorgeous!

The hostess of the night, thought being funny involved saying the word “fanny” a lot, the first comedian was so nervous, I wanted to hold his hand throughout the act just to make him feel better and the second was like a really drunk Shaggy from “Scooby Doo’,  but really funny in a “please don’t hurt me” type of way.

 As the third comedian was getting ready to come on, I saw him approach a table of students and ask them to move to the empty table at the front as and said “the empty table would ruin the flow of his act and ruin his vibe” Having worked with people who regularly uttered things like “the chair in this studio is ruining my creativity” and “I can’t possibly work in this studio until the carpet is sorted” (What can I say for some people it’s all about the soft furnishings) I immediately recognised this guy as, what’s known in the trade as a “prize tosser”

 I wasn’t wrong! It turns out his act mainly consisted of hoping people were so drunk that they

a)     Didn’t notice he had no material

b)     Wouldn’t mind his insults

Sadly neither a or b applied to us or as it would appear, most of the people in the audience. There was a 40^th birthday party in, who I think would haver laughed had I put my dog Cyril on the stage and let him bark for 15 minutes.

  Sitting not too far from the front, I pretty much expected to be picked on, but when the world’s unfunniest comedian wandered into casual racism territory, it was a bit too much for me. I ended up telling him I was Russian, to which he replied “You’ve not rushed anywhere for a while love”, looking proud of himself he hadn’t expected a response, so when I said VERY loudly…

He actually looked surprised, alright, it's not an Oscar Wilde style retort, but the shock of a fatty fighting back, was enough to shock him. He then decided to move onto Lucy…a blonde joke never goes amiss right? So out came the “you’re blonde so you must be thick" lines. Again sadly for him, he’d never encountered someone like Lucy, (think the Bride from “Kill Bill” and you're in the ball park) I would have felt sorry for him, but he started it. Lucy has inherited my Mum's killer stare, which has withered far greater beings than an unfunny comedian from Essex.

  Having come up against the wrath of the really not bothered fatty and the not so dumb blonde, he then tried an Operation Yew Tree joke on a gentleman in the audience. The very sophisticated grey haired man, simply walked off to get a pint or maybe poke himself in the eye which might have been more entertaining, I’m not sure what he chose. 

Eventually he tried to finish his act with a song, which he wanted everyone to stand up for and sing along to. It was a cheap gag, but as the audience we took it and stayed seated. In fairness I could have done with a few extra activity points, but I decided I'd rather not earn them, than stand for him!

It's In Your DNA

I’ve really been struggling the last few months, work has become epically busy, which,  because I work for myself I’m really not complaining about! But it means certain things have had to give. I read so much stuff from personal trainers that says “if it’s important, you’ll make time for it” They’re right, but for me, that’s had to be sleep! A lot of my friends will tell you they’ve barely seen me and obviously there’s been a lack of blog posts!

  The other things that have given have been trips to the gym and my diet, although when I got weighed yesterday I was really pleased that in a month I’d only put a pound on! I’ve tried to be organised and on a Sunday I have made valiant efforts to make healthy food and freeze it so I can get it out, no matter how late I’m running. That’s been successful to a point, but I know I’m drinking too much coffee and eating one too many low fat biscuits!

Occasionally I make stuff other than Spag Bol!

 I knew something was making me feel not quite right, but couldn’t decide whether it was lack of sleep, stress or an allergy. My weight loss has really plateaued and nothing seems to kickstart it! Then someone introduced me to the idea of DNA testing to see exactly what your body did and didn’t respond to. So I contacted DNA Fit. 

I always thought that if ever I had to have a DNA test, they would discover the following

1.     My blood is 90% chocolate

2.     I’m genetically disposed to support Mansfield Town, no amount of reasoning will make me switch allegiances. 

3.     I deludedly believe that one day I will marry Matt Goss

I’m not 100% sure what I thought would happen, my DNA testing kit arrived through the post, which was exactly like the one I used to test my dog Cyril a few months earlier to see whether he’d secretly got Great Dane in him! I swabbed the inside of my mouth, put it back in the sterile packaging and put it in the post, praying that I too,  won't be  half Great Dane!

  I’m not sure what I'm expecting from the results, I sort of think it will be a list of things I should and shouldn't be eating.  I'm just hoping there's not a full on chocolate ban! I should have my results next week!

"It's a Deal, It's a Steal, It's the Sale of the F*****g Century"

I've put 2 pounds on this week and I am absolutely gutted, even though if I’m honest I know exactly where it’s come from. I’m not trying to blame anyone, but I’m blaming Easter. I’m also blaming my inability to resist a deal!

  The other day, Lucy and I were out shopping and because I’m a nice big sister, I offered to treat her to a brew. Before I knew it the sales assistant was offering me a “meal deal”, which meant not only could I  have my filter coffee (0 Weight Watchers pro-points) but a cake too! The deal meant a slice of cake was only an extra 50p!

CAKE!

  Contrary to popular belief, I’m quite odd for a fattie because I don’t like cream cakes! I can feel the shock of this revelation sending shock waves that have surely been felt on the Richter scale. Skinny people everywhere are currently shrugging their shoulders and shaking their heads “what do you mean this fat person doesn’t like cream cakes, ALL fat people like cream cakes, it’s why they’re fat, EVERYONE knows that, there are postcards that you can buy from the seaside, which clearly show a fat woman sat with a skinny man eating cream cakes” They're probably phoning their local MP's to discuss.

  Well I don’t like cream cakes, but I am a sucker for a caramel slice and as the waitress tempted me with her “add a cake for 50p offer” she waved towards the cake counter, my eye bypassed the cream cakes (we’ve been through this skinny people get over it), I momentarily lingered over the carrot cake and then there it was, like a shiny beacon of chocolatey caramelly loveliness, a huge chunk of caramel shortcake. I looked at it, it looked at me, I sort of saw Lucy’s mouth move up and down in slow motion, but I couldn’t make out the words! I longed for it, I lusted for it, had a naked Matt Goss walked in right there and then and said “Take me now Katie, I’m yours forever”, I probably would have ignored him, in favour of this piece of caramel shortcake (and we all know how much I love my Matt!)

Any excuse to include a picture of Matt Goss

  Fortunately I took too long to decide, because the sounds that Lucy had been making when I saw her mouth moving slowly up and down, was her actually saying no to all cake. So by the time I was out of my caramel shortcake fantasy, coffee had been ordered and I was being ushered to sit down.

  However at a trip to the supermarket later, I was not so lucky. Yet more Easter chocolate deals greeted me as I walked through the doors. Being a good Weight Watcher, I know that a Malteser Bunny is 4 pro-points; a Creme Egg is 5 pro-points, as is a Lindor egg. 

I bite the top off mine & lick out the insides

   

Fine, I know if I want I can have ONE as a treat. However at the moment, most places are doing three Malteser bunnys for a pound, and two cream eggs / Lindor eggs also for a pound. The bargain hunter in me, thinks, “wow what a deal” I can save money by buying them now and putting them in my fridge and eating them over a suitably long period of time. So I took full advantage of the offer, thinking I’d ticked many boxes.

  That was all fine, until later that night sat watching TV and all I could think of was those bloody Malteser bunnies and before you knew it, I’d eaten all 3! So I’m willing to bet that contributed to my 2 pounds.

  I also think I’ve started to slip a bit, not counting tomato sauce / salad cream I add to meals, eating the same foods and I think maybe I’ve got a bit bored of being on a diet. Still last night was a wake up call, if I don’t stop, my weight is going to creep up and up and before I know it I’ll be back where I started and that will devastate me! So last night when I got home, I got out all my Weight Watchers cook books out and started to plan some different (Katie-friendly cooking meals) that I can experiment with next week! So on the menu for next week (just in case you decide to pop round for tea) are prawn and salmon pie, pasta salad with blue cheese and walnuts and I shall be baking peanut butter and banana mini muffins. I ‘ve also planned my schedule to fit in trips to the gym.

  You know what they say “you are going to want to give up…don’t” I’ve come this far; I guess I’m allowed a blip!